Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column marveling at all the numbers we’re somehow able to keep straight in our head – and we’re able to forget the name of the person who sits in the cubicle next to us.
It hit us when another Summit Up Staffer asked us if we knew a phone number for someone off the top of our head. We rattled it off. Then somebody else asked us for another phone number (it’s like piranha in here: once one of them gets the scent of blood, or phone numbers, the others are on you like it’s the last supper). We rattled off the next one.
Then we proceeded to the bank to deposit a check (for once!). Without having to mull over it, we filled in our account number. An hour later, when we were at the ATM to complete another transaction that we forgot to do earlier (see what we’re getting at here?), we punched in our PIN code lickety-split. We returned to the office where we made a phone call (with our long distance code) and checked our voicemail and e-mail (with entirely different security codes).
And yet, when a visitor walks over to our desk and asks, “Who’s that sitting over there?” the best response we can come up with is, “Uhhhhh, she works here.”
Sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, we’re amazed we ever remember to get dressed in the morning.
Regular reader and correspondent Dan e-mailed us this:
“There continues to be a lot of fuss over the “Topless Car Wash’ in Moscow, Idaho. I say if a privately owned business wants to limit its customer base to convertible owners only, who are we to make comment?
“Meanwhile, if you’d like to import a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! to let us feel better about ourselves, a man recently passed casually through a clearly marked gate onto BLM land near Como, in Park County. When some local people followed him and reminded him of the fire danger and the fact that the area was closed, he said, “I don’t care. I’m from Idaho and I’ve been planning this camping trip for a year!’ The mini-posse called out the sheriff, who dispatched the bounder post-haste. And, hopefully, the jerk left behind a chunk of long green for his indiscretion!”
Something tells us even the largest of fines won’t correct arrogance, though, Dan. Wow, a whole year he planned? We’re surprised you didn’t offer to cook him dinner after that.
A week or two ago, the Rocky Mountain News had a big hullaballoo because a front-page picture seemed to reveal, oh, shall we say something you might mistake as a cheer for the North Austin Dingos (“Goooooo NADs!”).
That’s not what it was, the paper people said. It was just a shadow on the guy’s leg. Sure.
But there was no mistaking any shadows on the cover of our Friday edition; it was underarm hair. And, it drew many comments from readers, including the following roughly quoted phone call to Summit Up Headquarters:
“Hi, some of us girls at a day spa and salon just wanted to call because we loved the picture on the cover today, and we especially love the hairy armpits,” the anonymous caller said. “We’re not being judgmental; we know we’re in Summit County. We got a kick out of it and we wanted to let Summit Up know we really enjoyed the hairy armpits on the front page.”
Well, ladies, if you loved that, we’re prepared to make you swoon. You ain’t seen nothing like this since Don King.
You can tell us your feelings on body hair at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just make razor scraping sounds on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out brainwashing people so they remember those numbers …
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