Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column dedicated to having nothing but endless mounds of fun.Yup. We know it’s a tough job. But someone’s got to do it, and we’ve elected ourselves to be that someone. For starters we’re going to pass a bunch of laws or resolutions that will keep all of us in a childlike euphoria. If you’re in a childlike euphoria, you’re basically ignorant to the responsibilities and worries of adult life and thus choose to go have fun, which includes skipping rocks across ponds and running naked through puddles.We like puddles. We like naked.***But first, we have a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! to the person(s) who keep leaving the anti-Semitic messages on the doorstep of Summit Up Headquarters. OK, so we don’t have a doorstep, per se, but we keep getting these little plastic bags with three token rocks and a pamphlet spewing fumes of hatred.The pamphlet starts by telling us not to vote for either John Kerry or President Bush because they’re clones, then encourages us to join their group. For starters, the election’s over, ya morons, and, despite all your efforts to get people to do otherwise, one of the above – Kerry or Bush – won it.So take your little plastic bags, your pamphlets of hatred and your three rocks and get on with your lives, some of which shouldn’t include leaving such stuff on our doorstep.Ahem. We digress. As usual.Back to having fun. We want to play tag and run up and down the block. We want to hang from tree branches. We want to play fetch with the dog. We want to play Truth or Dare. We want to go to Disneyland and ride all the “E” rides. We want to play in the ocean waves, splash water in the bathtub and ruffle the cat’s fur until it stands on end with static electricity.And then we will laugh and laugh and laugh.***We have a Captivating News Story from the Land of Captivating News Stories, which is Arkansas.Seems a woman from Little Rock (next door to Big Rock and Craggy Stone) leapt through her moving car’s sunroof in what eyewitnesses called a “mistaken rapture.”The “rapture,” for those not in the religious know, is that time when Jesus returns to Earth and takes everyone back to heaven with him or something like that. Please don’t correct us if we’re wrong. We’re sure there are a lot more details.Anyway, people said the woman was convinced the rapture was taking place when she saw 12 people floating into the air and then passed a man on the side of the road whom she believed was Jesus. She began yelling, “He’s back! He’s back!” and climbed out of her sunroof and jumped off the roof of her car, killing herself and creating a multi-car pileup.The 12 people floating in the air belonged to the man believed to be Jesus. He was heading to a toga costume party when the tarp on his truck came loose and released – here we go! – 12 blow-up sex dolls filled with helium.The man believed to be Jesus then lifted his arms into the air in frustration and yelled “Come back!” just as the woman passed him. The woman apparently thought “Jesus” was lifting people to heaven and wanted to join them in the rapture.We just wonder. Does stuff like this only happen in Arkansas and California? Or could it happen in North Dakota?We’re outta here, tossing stones in the pond and floating leaves in the river. Just remember: Endless mounds of fun. Let us know what captivates your fancy and give us a ring-a-ling at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
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