Summit Up 8-18-11: Where we handle kumquats with kid gloves |

Summit Up 8-18-11: Where we handle kumquats with kid gloves

by Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has a slight problem with shopping carts. And no, we’re not talking about anklocartophobia – the irrational fear of having a shopping cart come up behind and clip you in the ankle. (We have a friend, a fellow journalist who works for a highly respected national news organization but who suffers from this terrible fear – so much so that some days, he can’t even go to work). We’re talking about the pros and cons of the relatively new practice of applying sanitary wipes at the grocery store so you can wipe the previous person’s hand skunge off your cart before taking off down the produce rows.

We’re germophobes, so we like this. There’s nothing worse than watching someone dive a hand down their britches, then come up and caress the handle of the shopping cart you’re about to use. But we have to say that, right after wiping down the bar hand-push thingy, the damn thing’s all wet and we don’t want to touch it. (Note: This is reminiscent of the problem at greasy spoon restaurants, where the waitress, after calling you “Hon,” wipes the table down just as you’re sitting, leaving you uncomfortably unsure what to do with your hands and arms. This was detailed in Summit Up No. 4,273 some years ago, if you’d like to try to look it up. But that’s the gist of it.). So we’re suggesting that, in addition to the wipeys, they also have some dry towels to take care of business post desterilization.

And then, of course, we start worry about all that paper waste. Aaaghhh! What’s a shopper to do?


SU: Not a bad idea! Then again, we’d look like freaks. And just try picking up a couple of kumquats wearing gloves. We’d have to give up kumquats and other very small items.

Anyway, moving on …


Here’s a quick Angel Alert! Angel Alert! from SDN columnist and Silverthorne mom extraordinaire Cindy Bargell, who writes thusly:

“Here’s an Angel Alert going out to Brooke and her mom (last names unknown) who took our daughter under their wings during registration at Summit Middle School, allowing her to tag along through the maze and make a new friend in the process.”

Good to hear. When we were in middle school (it was called “junior high” back then, for some reason, and it was grade 7 through 9), that kid Michael Teneriello just beat us up every time we asked a question, then gave us a wedgie followed by a swirlie and then a few Indian (or Native American) burns. So we’re glad to hear things have gotten a little nicer out there in modern times. 


Speaking of shopping, it’s our belief that, in the future, carts will become obsolete. You’ll just walk around with a smartphone, scan the stuff you want and, at the end, they just hand you bags full of exactly what you picked. (You will then fly home with your groceries atop a fruit-flavored rainbow in a magical cart pulled by unicorns

We’re just guessing that’ll happen, but we’re not so sure about it, either, since we try to watch like a hawk when the stuff gets scanned cuz, more often than not, there’s at least one thing amiss. It’s not easy, because we’re also trying to get all the value card stuff and debit card info enterered so we’re not like that one clueless dude who looks surprised when it comes time to pay and doesn’t even have his wallet out yet. Sheesh!

Sorry, pet peeve. We out.

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