Summit Up 8-2-09
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column crawling with Colorado critters.
A mouse appeared in our house this week. Ever the practicers of zero tolerance, we bolted to the store and returned with a sack of traps.
The room in which the little beast was discovered happens to belong to a guy who sleeps on the floor.
He zealously circled the mattress with freshly-baited traps.
It took a moment to decide what lure would most sufficiently catch a mountain mouse: Organic cranberries? Roasted sweet corn? Lightly salted trail mix?
We briefly considered parting with some Gouda, but instead slathered peanut butter on the little trap triggers.
By the next morning, our mouse problem was solved. We were disappointed the trap killed the little fella, but a little peace of mind often comes at high prices.
Before you send us hate mail, try to accept our apology for not using a humane trap. We just didn’t have the time for the research.
Speaking of pests, somewhere on this page is a shot of some mountain goats.
These beautiful creatures are a well-known cause of vexation for folks who frequently park in the vicinity of Mount Quandary.
They chew up tires, causing flats and explicit interjections of outrage.
We’re told good people have gotten trapped on the roofs of their vehicles as angry mountain goats circled with menacing horns.
Perhaps we ought to write the American Goat Federation, an organization unifying the U.S. goat industry to handle the spectrum of issues affecting them.
A solid goat policy could go a long way in preventing stranded outdoor enthusiasts.
Bothersome bees have been getting in our hair lately. It happens every time we leave our windows open, which is often.
We don’t kill the bees. They tend to find their way out once they discover there’s no pollen in our chambers.
We also have never been stung by a bee, whereas mice and their relatives have removed mounds of flesh from our fingers and toes over the years.
Raising gerbils actually caused all sorts of strange problems. The practice is a real schooling in the properties of exponentiality.
These little animals have no qualms with inbreeding, and do it on such a grand scale that just two can turn to a vibrant colony in a matter of months.
Our gerbils filled three aquariums before we began negotiations with local pet stores.
Alas, we discovered recently that we’re not the only ones questioning the status of Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s loyal chimpanzee.
The furry 26-year-old has been living in Florida since he became too aggressive for the King of Pop to handle.
But according to http://www.thesun.co.uk, he could be making a comeback with a book and film deal.
It’s Sunday and we’re petting a dog, the only animal we’ve ever been able to control and enjoy.
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