Summit Up 8-4-12: Where shocked fish air their grievances
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s a bit concerned about all this fish shocking going on around here. We were just reading about yet another assault on the poor fish taking place Sunday in Straight Creek over in Dillon. Now, we know this is all done for good reasons, but if the fish could talk, what would they say?FISH SHOCKER GUY: Hey fish! (zap!) Take that! Ha-ha!FISH: WTF? You’re killin’ me here!FSG: No, it’s for your own good. It’s so we can get you to mellow out for a few seconds so we can weigh and measure you and do other stuff to assess the state of the river habitat.FISH: Up yours, pal. If you think it’s so great, try shocking yourself with that wand thingy. And I have a pretty good idea of where you can stick it.FSG: You know, this hurts me more than it hurts you. (zap!) FISH: (stunned, recovering) Mama mia! My fins are tingling! My gills are on fire! My tiny little brain is trying to reboot but all’s I can see is that spinning beach ball.FSG: (picking up fish) Now, I’m just going to get some measurements and …FISH: Hey, whaddaya think yer doing you creep! Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!FSG: Now I’m just going to staple this microchip thingy onto your fin … (staple!)FISH: Ow! Son of a bitch! WTF!?FSG: It’s so we can see where you go and stuff.FISH: Well damn, just ask. I’ll write you a flippin’ diary if it’ll keep you from doing that again. And by the way, it’s not that exciting. It’d be like: “Swam from point A to point B, then back again. Ate a fly. Swam some more. Got caught and thrown back – again.Yep, that’s what it’d be like if fish could talk out there. Of course, this little theatrical presentation assumes that, in addition to the power of speech, the fish also have brains large enough to form coherent thoughts and emotions. In reality, if a fish could talk, it would probably say something like: “Duhhhhhhhh” and then blow a bubble.MILLIONS OF ANGRY FISH ADVOCATES: You insensitive baboons! Fish are deep thinking, sentimental creatures that are just looking for a little warm love in a cold-blooded world. Give ’em a break!FSG: You mean like this? (ZAP!)FISH: Aaggggghhhhh!***Back in the land of intelligent humans, here’s a Smarty Pants Alert!! Smarty Pants Alert!! going out to Lauren Elizabeth Nease of Breckenridge, who recently graduated Cum Laude with a bachelor of arts in interior design from Seattle Pacific University. Congrats! ***And here’s a Happiness Alert!! from Mary Hills in Dillon who writes:”Thank you God and to everybody who gave us prayers and support, that my amazing husband, Randy is CANCER FREE !! Special thanks to Tina McCow, Nicolle Masso, Dana Johnson & our amazing & strong children. We love you! We appreciate your love & support during this most trying time. More prayers needed for the future though. Extra supportive shout-out to Bernie , Fran, Julie, Scottie, Kimberly, Jason, Chelsea and the entire staff over at Murphy’s in Silverthorne. We truly appreciate your prayers, love & support. Good news indeed! Happy Saturday …
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