Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column salivating over whatever it is we’re going to be consuming in mass quantities this Thanksgiving.Mmmm. Turkey. Goose. Oysters. Stuffing. Cranberries – no wait! Nix that. We don’t like cranberries. And we don’t like those little cabbage balls either. But mashed potatoes drenched in thick gravy. Yum, yum, yum.Remember, as an American, you’re required to consume at least 4.5 pounds of all of the above on Thursday.***The spammers are at it again! In the past, we’ve reported about the spam we receive on a daily basis: prescription drugs, Viagra, how to earn your minister’s degree from home. These days, they’re all about Rolex watches. And now, if you can’t afford their Rolex, you can get one tattooed on you!Well, we have it from personal experience that if you can’t afford one of their “cheap” Swiss watches, you probably can’t afford the tattoo, either. They’re not cheap. And they’re not without pain. And they’re pretty darn permanent.And just who would you be trying to impress with the tattoo of a Rolex on your wrist. Say you’re at a dinner party:SWEET YOUNG HOTTIE: Hey, there, big guy? Could you tell me what time it is?YOU: Uh, bluh, uh …SYH: (rolling her eyes) Forget it. Loser.Those spammers! They just keep us in stitches!***We have here an e-mail from a woman named Molly who is promising us eternal bliss – for a price, of course.She writes: “We can buy a car in an hour, fly to Europe in a day, talk to an Eskimo by direct dial, and order dinner delivered in short order. Now, you can get to heaven in less time than it takes to live your life! Yes, you are being offered this opportunity to swing open the ‘gates’ of heaven, and arrive ahead of schedule without spending countless hours sitting on a pillow in solitude and meditation. This is a good thing!”Like all things, there are certain keys to know and use, but you’ll be adept in no time. Are you ready? Don’t be frightened! You can come back again if you don’t like it, and you won’t have missed a day’s work.”Well! We could all use a little of heavenly bliss, right? Molly says heaven isn’t a place, but a state of mind. And in 30 quips – $9.99 – on 11 pages, you, too, can attain it.Gee, thanks, Molly.***Tell us what Thanksgiving side dish you’re hankering for or leave us your best recipe for canned green beans on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237. We out, pre-feasting on Thanksgiving giblets …
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