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Garth In Paradise by Scott Bullock

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that may make fun of its local government and officials occasionally – but we’re glad we don’t live in Chicago, even though we could ride this joke for the next year.It seems the Windy City has a budget problem: They’re gonna fall about $220 million short. Oops! They’ve probably been trying to collect taxes from the dead people who are still voting there (and we might remind our politically inclined readers that it was the Democrats who were doing that back in the day).

Anyway, they don’t want the starving artists to starve more than they have to – and budget shortfalls like that usually mean artists and kids get the shaft – so they’re going to do a little fundraising. Our friends at the Associated Press tell us that, no, there won’t be any bake sales here. That’s what eBay is for now.Yes, Chi-town will be selling a vintage Playboy bunny costume, a chance to throw the green dye in the river on St. Patrick’s Day, dinner cooked by Oprah’s chef and a decommissioned city parking meter, among other things. All of it in online auctions.

We’ll be checking it out: Hopefully there’s some Polish sausages up for sale, too. Or a soul. We’ve still got a lot of holiday shopping to do, and sounds like there could be some bargains there.***

If you stay up all night on Sunday, it’s not really Monday after that, since you never went to sleep, you know. For more tips and theories, contact us at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just yawn on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out torquing the dog’s legs like a yoga instructor (because dogs can make more innocent snow angels than any human can) …

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