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Summit Up

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Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column forced to do a little math in the name of libraries.Yes, that sounds a little geeky. Nothing like working “math” and “libraries” into a sentence, the first sentence, the one our editors insist “draws the reader into” the story. So, if they’re right, you’re long gone looking for stories about death, drugs, murder, conspiracy and scams. But for those of you still with us, many thanks go out for your loyalty. And your reward? Money!See, we got you now (thanks to the bold and italics, for sure). In the end, everybody has to touch, feel, manage and, on occasion, give or take money, so after all this babble, we finally found our connecting point, although by money, we don’t mean we’re giving it away.Instead, we’re sharing the news: The Denver Public Library announced Monday they’re raising their fines from $0.20 to $0.25, and they said they will generate an additional $100,000 to the city.Holy nickels!And, like a man without a calculator, they left us to do the math. After hours of supercomputing (100,000 divided by .05 equals … hmmm … carry the 1 …) we discovered a shocking new find. Next year, Denver will receive 2 million more nickels.This brings new meaning to the “if I had a nickel for every time” saying that comes up often during strings of perpetual misfortune, or when you’ve heard a minor league linguist say “like” a billion times. And, as usual, it got us thinking here at the Corporate Suites. If we had a nickel for every time someone made fun of the shape of our building (the inside-out dishwasher), we’d probably have a new building.If we had a nickel for every time someone called us, we could probably afford a human operator, and not that annoying voice that shouts with uber-happiness, like a frat chairman during rush: “Hello! I’m the virtual operator for the Summit Daily News …”Or, if we had a nickel for every time we were sarcastic …Or, if we had a nickel for every time a press release stated the obvious. In this case, the library reported: “Timely return of borrowed materials will be key to customers avoiding fines.”Thank you. May all those extra nickels go to a worthy cause, like calculators for PR firms.***That’s it for Tuesday. If you know where we can get some more nickels, give a shout to summitup@, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just nickel and dime us on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.If only we had a nickel for every time we’ve written this column …

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