Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column with the cruel misfortune of liking the things nobody else likes.
Specifically, candy bars. Not that there aren’t any other people in the world who like candy bars. We know we’re not the only chocolate whores around here.
And, yes, we do have it that bad. Sugar sluts, carob crybabies, mooch for candy hooch ” we’ve been called worse. We’re not the least bit ashamed of it, however. As we used to explain to the dentist who would tear up when we’d smile at him (before we stopped going, that is, because some people just harp, harp, harp, harp, you know?), we need to consume this much sugar: Having the over-active, Wile E. Coyote-calibre super-genius intellect we possess, our cerebral machinery burns a lot more calories than the average bear.
Gotta keep the engine fueled up, right? How else would we write daily nonsense?
Anyway, the downside to this is that, when your favorite treats are, say, a Mounds bar, you sometimes have to deal with disappointment.
First, not every stop-and-go store carries them. If they do, since nobody else seems to buy them, they tend to sit on the shelf quite a while. Dust on the wrappers is usually a clue, but when you’ve got a craving, you’re prone to bad judgment and risk-taking.
Which is how we ended up driving down the road yesterday gagging on congealed coconut goo bricks and dried up dark chocolate. (The passing motorists thought we were coughing something entirely different out the window, we’re sure.)
But, that’s the way the cookie crumbles, so to speak.
Breckenridge’s Douglas Tom wrote us an interesting letter this week dealing with dogs and dog ownership. We here in Summit Up Land should understand that having a dog means more than making sure it gets petted the required amount.
It even means more than just feeding and watering the mutt. It even means more than having tags, taking it to the vet and having it on a leash in public. It also means being its guardian ” just like a parent would ” so when the dog misbehaves, gets arrested or bites another dog, it becomes your responsibility as well for the bail money.
Douglas writes: ” Last Tuesday morning I was driving to work from my house on Peak 7. I’m sure you all remember it was well below freezing and had just snowed all weekend, so the roads were an ice rink. Not three blocks from my house two dogs began crossing the street not too far in front of me.
“Being the humane person I am I slammed the brakes and ended up sliding into the four foot snowy ditch. With help from the neighbors I ended up getting the car further into the ditch. After a day of sitting in the ditch I knew I needed a tow truck to get it out ” cha ching ” my wallet is 75 bucks lighter.
“So I asked the dog owners to help pay and I only asked for 50 dollars, while my net loss was well over 100 dollars (missing work and taking buses). They lowballed me at 30 dollars and claimed I was driving too fast. Now I’m taking them to court and will be asking for more than 50, and they’ll get 50 alone in dog tickets. The ethical question is: Should I run over dogs now knowing what ensues when I take the ditch instead?
“My heart always says no, but to my fellow neighbors, don’t be so cheap if someone takes the ditch instead of sending your dogs to the vet or possibly to the grave.”
Douglas, thanks for not hitting the dogs. May you spend the rest of the winter in good conscience, with all four wheels on the road.
It’s Friday, and it’s about time. Be sure to send your stories of face-shots, face-plants or whatever it was you were doing with your face and all that snow yesterday to firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just record the sound of the ice in your beard melting on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out convincing the plow drivers it’d be really cool if we could ski into them like a moving quarter-pipe …
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