Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column trying to decide if the Atkins or the grapefruit diet will work best on the cat.See, lately, we’ve been watching the cat-gut get bigger and bigger. Pretty soon there won’t be enough fur on his underside to cover all that flesh. Little Mr. Fancy Paws doesn’t seem to want to go outside and get his widdle feet cold. So all he does is nap (on the heated bathroom floor) and eat, and then take another nap, then wake up and come wake us up, because his food bowl is empty again. We’ve tried to coax him to go outside and get some exercise. We’ve even picked him up, carried him outside and tossed him into the snowbank (picture the perfect cut-out Bugs Bunny makes when running through a door) just to shock him into some exertion. It didn’t work; he just laid there, trying to decide if it was nap-time again.
Our pragmatic readers will say, well, just don’t feed him then. It’s not that easy, however. Anyone who’s ever woken up with a heavy-breathing feline on their chest, licking it’s chops and slowly flexing its claws in their neck will tell you it’s just best to keep the cat fed.So we’re looking for low-carb cat food. Apparently, the lettuce-flavored vittles don’t sell that well around here. Maybe we’ll just have to go back to the drawing board on our cat-sized gerbil wheel.***We have a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!
One of our field agents was stopped at the Swan Mountain Road-Highway 9 intersection, getting ready to turn south and head to Breckenridge last Thursday. This was about 3:30 p.m. There was a truck in front of him, but he wasn’t paying too much attention (Paul Harvey was hocking Bose stereos on the radio, and he loves that shameless schlepping, he says). So when the truck lurched forward, our field agent says, he naturally started to cruise into the intersection himself. He was glad he stopped.See, the Xcel Energy truck, as it happened to be, just pulled out and ran the red light. Yes, the driver had plenty of room in both directions – but our field agent didn’t. Again, he was glad he woke up to what was going on.So, here’s to this Xcel Energy worker who must have had a pretty serious fire to put out to flaunt the traffic laws that the rest of us have to obey. Maybe our electric bills keep going up because of the insurance payments the company makes after accidents they cause?***
WORDS in MOTION movement company would like to give everyone at Fatty’s a great big Thanks! for last Saturday night. John Daisy and his staff threw us a great after show party. We wish that your restaurant and your tip jars always remain full. Thanks, Gail Sanville.***Thursday’s password is “myopic bellybuttons,” and it has everything to do with the holiday gifts we’re buying for everybody. Use it to log into our secret club at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just explain that, like Mr. Allen, you wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have you on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out trying to keep the cat on the treadmill …
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