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Summit up

Special to the DailyHappy sweet 16, Kyle! To the most awesome daughter. Lots of love, Mom, Dad, Zach and Halley.

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wants to know why global disasters never happen in rich people’s neighborhoods.If you’re like us, you’ve been contemplating the awesome destructive powers of Mother Nature lately. We’ve been glued to the cable news channels and the photo wire services here at the Corporate Suites, soaking up all the images of catastrophe from Asia. (In case you’ve been in a cave with Osama for the past week, there was a huge tsunami caused by the fourth-largest earthquake ever recorded; could be about 100,000 people died.)Now, we’re not going to stoop so low as to make jokes about that many people dying in something they had no power to control or avoid. (Read that: Don’t send us any more hate mail than we already receive, please.)But what we have been thinking about a lot is that, for some reason, this stuff never seems to happen in this country. Sure, those hurricanes killed a few people earlier this year; however, those are the people who didn’t heed all the warnings to evacuate. Yeah, there was Sept. 11, 2001, but that wasn’t exactly a natural disaster. When you’re talking about mass casualty, havoc-wreaking cataclysms, though, you’re most likely talking about somewhere else.The true newshounds out there will remember how, earlier this year, an earthquake in Iran killed 30,000 people. We’re sure there’s more crises like this, and we just don’t even hear about them.

So what is it? Did we get lucky enough to be born into the continent that avoids most of these emergencies? Are our buildings just that much stronger? Or, like we alluded before, is it because we’re rich enough to have sophisticated radar systems, seismic sensors, fire trucks and, well, shoes?We’re not sure. We’re just grateful.***This has got to be the Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! of the ages. We can’t imagine the low-life that could perpetrate such a heinous, idiotic crime. That, obviously, doesn’t mean such individuals don’t exist.Mark and Linda Meyer in Dillon reported the sad loss of … their clothes. The couple were doing laundry in Silverthorne – on Christmas Eve, if you can believe it – and went next door to get a cup of coffee at the Blue Moon. You guessed it, when they returned, they found some toe-cheese had snaked their raiment.

“Some people don’t meet the ethical standard we set up here and it is unfortunate,” they wrote in their e-mail to us. “We would have responded in a positive fashion if asked for help. I pity the person I catch with the door open to our clothes next time. No worries, we are pulling the building permit to modify our place to have a washer/dryer.”Way to be, guys. Move on. As for the thief, may he or she see the error of their ways – and then slam their thumb in a car door.***Our man Dan in Fairplay has a warning for anyone driving that way at night: Make sure you’re wearing sunglasses.Dan read the bit in our column a few days ago about various towns’ holiday light displays. Well, says Dan, Fairplay has some modest street decorations. However, thanks to the recent road makeover, courtesy of CDOT, Fairplay not only has sidewalks and drainage, but street lights that could compete with the Luxor in Las Vegas.

“Coming in from Breck, it looks like coming in to a landing strip!” Dan writes.He’s told that the lights will mellow with age, but until then, keep that welder’s mask handy, folks.***It’s Thursday, and we’re very disappointed, folks. Our First Ever Art-By-Fax Contest! has been in effect for a week now, and we have not received a single entry. Yes, it could have something to do with the fact that the grand prize was lunch with us, on us (and you’ll be happy to know we received a set of table etiquette lessons for Christmas). It could also have to do with the fact that not everybody has a fax machine. Well, we’re still holding out: Get creative, get to a fax machine, and send your creative works to (970) 668-0755.But, if you have a better idea, then get a hold of us at, or leave us a message on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out planning our route to higher ground for when the flood comes …

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