Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wanting some answers, gol-dangit!For starters:&) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”T) Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”^) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? ~) If Jimmy cracks corn and the singer doesn’t care, why is there a song about him? @) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? *) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
) Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he or she is going to look at you naked anyway?%) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs! M) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner? ) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Don’t answer that one.)) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?+) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? “) Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? *) Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Those are just some of the questions we’d like answered in 2005. We’re sure there are many more.
***Our field agents, as did all of Summit Upland, enjoyed relatively crowd-free slopes this past weekend. Saturday was a gift from Ullr, at least at Breckenridge, with snow worshipers able to ski right onto the upper lifts and get some more of that tasty powder as fast as possible. We wore out before the snow did.Sunday, we figured it would be much the same, what with the Denver Donkeys in an NFL playoff game with the Indianapolis Colts. It was true, which changed our thinking about the Broncos. We just don’t want them to win because they are our team, but because they keep skiers and snowboarders off the slopes.Alas, the Donkeys lost, which we know makes ski resort honchos Roger McCarthy, David Barry and Greg Finch much happier. Bummer, though, for the barkeeps who always root for the Denver teams to go as far as possible into the playoffs.***Here’s some poetry from someone who should not have been permitted to have poetic license:”Swing those hands all in the airIf you wonder why you never had a girl,
I think I made myself clearStop hating me, baby find identity(Your head ain’t right)No congratulating schemerWill be on a moonlight swimLet’s go on a moonlight swim”Hmmm.***We out. Let us know if you have any answers to the aforementioned questions. Call us at (970) 668-3998, ext. 228, at email@example.com, or fax us at (970) 668-0755.
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