Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column collecting drool from all the end-of-days prophecy hopefuls.We figure those who sit around hoping for the Tribulations and Revelations to begin, those kooky social clubs that shave new members’ heads and have them selling books at the airport, and everyone else that secretly prays for a front-row seat for the end of the world show have to be glued to the TV as of late.Granted, we’ve been glued to the TV, too, but we’re not in that crowd mixing up the nighty-night Kool-Aid, if you get our drift.
But you do have to wonder. If it’s not tsunamis smashing Asia, it’s mudslides and floods in California. And now we read that the massive earthquake that caused the tsunami has shifted the geography of that part of the world (moving whole islands 60 feet on the map) and has sped up the rotation of the earth.(As an aside, we have to mention that that last part really ticked us off: As if there was enough hours in the day to begin with, now our days are going to be like 40 seconds shorter? Good grief.)So anyway, now we’re wondering what’s next. What other sorts of massive cataclysms can we expect? Maybe a meteor headed for the Earth? Maybe some more hurricanes and wildfires? Maybe Paris Hilton will get another TV show?Personally, we’re hoping for a scourge of locusts that blankets the planet, consuming all cotton underwear. Those other disasters are far too tragic for us to make jokes about, but this one, well, we’d have a field day. We’d love to see those news broadcasters (the same ones standing amid the rubble and flood-drenched areas) reporting live from some far-flung country, talking about how the native population’s jockey shorts have been decimated – while they try to hold a Glad bag over their hindquarters.
We’re not sure that fits into the whole prophecy paradigm, but it’d be some welcome comic relief, wouldn’t it?***And you thought the United Nations’ oil-for-food scandal was too much …You might have heard that the HIV/AIDS crisis is a pretty big deal throughout the world. You’ve got U2’s Bono going to Africa to raise awareness, and all sorts of other celebrities trying to urge the more powerful countries in the world to help out those most in danger from the disease. Well, add three more celebrities to that list.
They go by the names of Shaft, Stretch and Dick. (Yeah, read it again just to convince yourself; you wish we were making this up.)Seems the UN has created a series of public service announcements – like, more than 800 of them – that will be broadcast throughout the world. Can you guess the subject of these animated TV spots? Try condom use.Known as “The Three Amigos,” the animated advocates should be seen by 80 percent of the world’s population, according to the UN press release.”They cannot be played enough,” the release quoted Nobel Prize laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu.Sometimes, this stuff just writes itself, folks.
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