Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that knows a little about what it’s like to be a snail.Not that we’re slow or anything (although it wouldn’t be the first time someone accused us of it), we just had a very slimy experience.This is the part where we urge our readers to undress as soon as they get home from skiing. If you don’t, you might get a visit from the slime fairy. You’ve never heard of the slime fairy? Well, probably because you’ve been smart enough to undress, bathe and put on clean clothes after a day on the mountain. Earlier this week, we weren’t so smart. Or, rather, weren’t so alert.
We got home after a hard day out in the elements, one of those great days where you exert yourself to the limit, and there’s only two things you know you’ll be capable of when you get home: eating and sleeping.And that’s exactly what we did. We ate, and then we fell asleep (with wool socks on, polypro pants, shell pants, fleece shirt and hat on). Someone in the house was kind enough (in their mind) to throw a blanket over us, but all this did was fan the fire.Don’t worry, though. We collected all the jelly that was between our skin and that first layer, and once our team of scientists analyzes it and tells us what we can use it for, we’re likely to get rich off the patent. We just need a few volunteers for production …***Valerie, our field agent in charge of ski safety in Atlanta, read Friday’s column on Vail Resort’s new safety mascot (“Pork Chop the Safety Pig”) – unfortunately.
“I had planned to cook ‘P. Choppy’s for dinner tonight, but I’m not sure I can look at them the same way now. I’ll be sure to stab and cut them with my ‘snowboarder attitude,'” she writes.Yes, Valerie, this revelation has affected us as well. Our bacon intake has been severely curtailed as we wrestle with the philosophical question “Why is it ‘The Man’ is always associated with pork products?”***We do have some good news. Sarah called in this Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! reporting that John Julian, the magnanimous painter, along with a whole gaggle of do-gooders from Dillon Community Church, are doing all kinds of work at Summit County Advocates for Victims of Assault’s safe house and shelter. They’re doing drywall, fixing things, painting – and doing it all for free.We’ll send a six-pack of wings and halos, but something tells us this group already has a pretty good stash of karma points.
***Here’s a Thank You! to MiZuppa and Starbucks of Breckenridge. On behalf of all Summit County law enforcement agencies, the Sheriff’s Office wanted to give the soup and coffee mavens a little appreciation for keeping officers fed and alert on New Year’s Eve.As we told our field agents who have infiltrated the police ranks, how do we get sponsorship like that?It’s Sunday, ’tis. We hope it finds you happy and healthy, and not at all slimy. If it does, and you’d like to contribute to our ski clothing slime collection fund, contact us at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or tell us where to pick it up on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237. We pay by the ounce.We’re out hanging with our new squid friends …
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