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Summit Up

SUMMIT UP

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column marveling at what a good butt-hug can do for one’s attitude.We recommend you try it, really. In fact, we just might have to get a patent on a Wonder Bra for the behind.We’re in such a good mood because A) we bought some new jeans, and B) we survived not just a trip to Denver to get them, but escaped the mall with our sanity intact (and we’re positive this can’t be said for many of the other souls we saw there).Some of our readers might be wondering why we’d want to make such a big deal about some new pants. Our very avid readers know exactly why: A mugger could rob our pants off us in broad daylight and we wouldn’t be inclined in the least to go shopping, probably even when the police came around to ask us about the appropriateness of our outfit. We’re more likely to sign up for student dental clinics than go shopping for clothes.However, at the urging of a member of the opposite sex that we’ve been trying to impress, endear and convince that we’re safe to be around (who has, we’ll admit, pointed out that it’s obvious, by the placement of the holes, snags and rips on our clothes, whether we’re wearing underwear), we rushed on down to the mall to buy some new jeans. This person was kind enough to come along, too, and tell us if our selections made our butt look big.Since we were breaking out of our hermit shell anyway, we thought why not get real risqué? So we started trying on jeans that were one to two sizes smaller than we might have picked all by ourselves. What this translates to is a shift from slacker fashion to work-it-girl-you-know-you-want-to-grab-these-cheeks couture. Or an approximation thereof.Well, we must admit. The sky hasn’t fallen, the Earth is still revolving and no one has accosted us on the street with any George Michael references, and darnit, we think our butt looks pretty good. And it feels good (not that we’re touching it or anything, but these pants are just nice and snug).Tomorrow, we’ll fill you in on what’s new in the mall world and fun games you can play the next time you have to risk a trip to D-town. Here’s a little teaser: A GAP store actually closed. Can you believe it?***Congrats! to Sarah Blincoe, daughter of Kristi and George in Dillon, who not only made the honor roll in the most recent block of classes at Colorado Timberline Academy down in Durango, she made “high honors” for the first two blocks of the year – by maintaining a 4.0 grade point average.Rock on, Sarah!***The story in Monday’s paper about the construction worker in Breckenridge who somehow was able to put a nail in his skull and think it was only a toothache not only had people around here scratching their heads, but had people around the world saying holy smokes would you look at this. The Associated Press picked up the story and our field agents around the globe reported back with reaction from far-flung places.Valerie, our Atlanta field agent in charge of figuring out how to get health insurance companies to cover moving to Breckenridge (it’s therapeutic, you know), was quite puzzled.”Yesterday, I spent way too much time analyzing the Nail-Head guy,” she writes. “The article stated that the nail gun recoiled and that’s how the accident apparently occurred. However, a recoil wouldn’t impale a nail in your head. You would actually have to be pointing the nail gun directly at your face. So, the guy was pointing the nail gun towards himself and it fired – but he didn’t know that he had a nail stuck in his head? Maybe I’ve watched too much CSI, but the story’s sounding a little mutantly fishy to me. Perhaps we need to bring in a Nail Gun Expert on the case.”Suffice it to say, Valerie, Summit Up Land tradesmen and women are tough.Roland Everingham also checked in from Australia. “You can run but you cannot hide,” says the former Breck resident. “Not only was the news story about the Breck man with a nail in his head big news in Atlanta and Tampa, it was front page news (with graphics) in Sydney, Australia. As a former resident of Breck I was surprised that the good turns to be had in the Front Bowl failed to attract equal column inches. But there you have it. Foreign correspondent out.”***Don’t take Wednesday too seriously, folks. It’s known for being facetious, even duplicitous, and we wouldn’t want you to fall for any of its cruel tricks. If you do, contact us at summitup@summitdaily, or the fax at (970) 668-0755 and we’ll tell you how to exact your revenge, or just tell us to stop personifying time and calendars on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out parading around in our new pants …


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