Summit Up |

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column with more scientific updates from the Summit Up Center for Child-Rearing and Parent-Killing Institute in Marysville, Ohio.Our chief scientist in charge of OK-which-one-of-you-made-this-mess? research, Ann, writes to us with her latest findings: TV isn’t always bad.There Ann was, she writes, doing her research on the computer (which is often mistaken for putting the books in order and paying bills that kids generate), when Experimental Child Subject No. 2 walks in and asks for some paper and scissors.OK, our scientist says. A little later, the science study called the middle child returns and asks for paper grocery bags. OK, fine. A little later, the unit returns asking for strings.”I started in on my tirade about what the heck were they doing with all of this stuff and that they better not have made a mess,” our researcher writes in an article destined for Scientific American. “They tend to take advantage of my working by getting into trouble in the other room. They totally blew me off and explained that the string was the final part in their marionette theatre show. WHAT!?! I’m not an idiot, but we tend not to use words like ‘marionette’ around here. Where did she hear that? TV, of course. Such awful things that TV teaches. They had actually created an entire stage and hand-made puppets. They then wrote and performed their little play about two friends who climbed a mountain together and watched each other’s backs! I guess that’s what friends, and sisters, are for!”Almost warms your heart, doesn’t it?***Sunday it is, folks, and we expect a fine one. Here’s a Shout Out! to our favorite Colombian, Victor, who turns 43 today. Feliz cumpleaños, nuestro amigo!If you’ve got birthday wishes, engagement announcements, threats, vendettas, poems, gripes, fantasies, pie recipes … whatever, send it to us at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just yak at us on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out, for some reason, with a strange hankering for Spam …

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