Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column contemplating how one should go through life.Some people do the typical life thing: grow up, get educated, get hitched, have kids, work their butts off and die.Others jump in full bore and travel and experience things, meet people and die.But we’ve decided our motto here at the Inside Out Dishwasher will be: “Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out and shouting ‘Holy $*@&! What a ride!'”We don’t know who originally penned it, but we like it and we’re going to try to live it before we die.***Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! We actually found a Leap Day baby! Wishes for more fun years go out to Brent Meyer today, even though the 29th is actually the day he arrived into this world. He’s 25, but in Leap years, he’s actually 6.***We are always amused when we receive these little test results people claim are true.Such is the case today.
Q: Name the four seasons.A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.A: Filtration makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.Q: How is dew formed?A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?A: Keep it in the cow.Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.Q: What happens to your body as you age?A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.A: Premature death.Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized (e.g., abdomen)?A: The body consists of three parts: The brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.Q: What is the fibula?A: A small lie.
Q: What does varicose mean?A: Nearby.Q: Give the meaning of Caesarian section.A: The Caesarian section is a district in Rome.Q: What does the word benign mean?A: Be nine is what you will be after you be 8.Ha! We find those to be amusing! We hope they enlightened your first day of March, as well!***The first day of March! Alas! We love to listen to the robins warble, the sound of melted snow flowing down the gutters, the whistle of wind in the barren trees. Spring is here! Spring is here!OK. So it’s not. We know it’s just Mother Nature messing with our minds, like she does every March. Spring won’t be here until at least July, for those not in the know, and then and only then can you hang up your skis. (Hint: Don’t hang them too far back in the closet. Winter will be right around the corner!)Ha, spring. The time when young peoples’ minds turn to lust. The grass is always greener on the other side of the septic tank. The cow jumped over the moon. Spring does something strange to us …
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