Summit Up 9-14-11: Where we’re riding flying suitcases
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column observing that most people in Summit County are gone on vacation right now. Every time we ask about Jim or Jane or Fred or Fiona, we find out they’re in Belarus or Belgium or Bolivia or Botswana.
It must be traveling season. Of course, folks without kids know this is the best time to travel, when the summer crowds are gone, the weather’s still nice and the curtain crawlers aren’t clogging up the runway (whatever that means).
One thing we observed on a recent trip is that there’s a new breed of suitcase out there: the wheelie. While we’re still getting used to the unspeakable luxury of having a wheeled suitcase, we’ve seen these newer ones (newer to us, at least; they may have been around for years so far as we know) that have four wheels that enable you to walk your giant valise along next to you – like a dog. It’s quite an innovation, and one the airlines will no doubt soon find a way to charge more for handling.
But we say why stop there? Why not add a small motor, a rudder of sorts and a couple of footrests and turn that suitcase into a mini mobility device? You could kick ass in the airport, even speeding past those annoying golf cart thingies (who gets to ride in those things, anyway?) and skipping the taxi for those short rides to the hotel. Eventually, perhaps Samsonite and the rest will offer suitcases that can actually lift off for small distances, so you can fly to the airport from, say, the el-cheapo outer lots at DIA where we always park and avoid the shuttle. Or, perhaps there will be a jet-pack version that you put on like a backpack and then just zoom around on.
We’d pay money for that! Although the reality on jet packs is a little dicey, to be honest. Apparently they’re hard as hell to control and most people who try them out wind up zooming into a wall or a bit of ground or a passing bus. You pretty much have to be Sean Connery to control one of these things, and Sean’s getting kind of up there now so …
Just stick with the motorized suitcase. It’s safer.
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