Summit Up 9-22-09
September 21, 2009
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column in a tizzy over the lovely snowfall we enjoyed Monday morning. Wow! Just like that, summer is over and … well, it’s not really winter yet. In fact it’s just the first day of fall, but it’s still pretty cool.
If we had a ski resort, we’d be marketing it. If we had skis, we’d be waxin’ em. Oh, wait a minute, we Do have skis, but they’re still waxed up pretty good from the end of last year, so we think we’ll be set to go when the season actually does get here. All we can say to you newbies is, don’t get too excited. Keep the snow shovel in the garage, don’t unpack your Ugg boots and whatever you do, DON’T head for Loveland Pass in hopes of making those first turns. We’re telling you, it’s not quite time yet.
These first flurries are really just a sign that it’s time for Indian Summer. That means at least a few more weeks of warm, sunny days, with cool, crisp nights, perfect for snowmaking. We know everyone is just Jonesin’ for it right about now, but in the infinite wisdom gained after years of living at elevation, we’re not gonna put away our bike just yet.
So some of our Summit Up staffers enjoyed a first-ever visit to one of those mega-warehouse supermarkets over in Gypsum over the weekend and returned somewhat amazed and duly impressed by the facility, which seemed large enough to house an entire fleet of 747s. Once they got their bearings inside, using a GPS unit to pinpoint the coordinates of the exit (Yep, you could so totally get lost in there), they wandered around, exploring cavernous alleys packed with all sorts of consumer goodies, including giant boxes of cereal that would feed a family of four for a year, blocks of cheese so big that you need a forklift to get them to your car, cans of mixed nuts big enough to swim in.
Man! Who buys this stuff? We know for a fact that our car is not even big enough to hold one of the multi-packs of paper towels they sell. No wonder people drive these giant SUVs and pickups. That’s what you need if you wanna shop at this store. Our intrepid field agents said some families cruised the aisles with two shopping carts, which made us wonder where they’re going to stash all their goodies.
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Our staffers reported that they left the store with an inexplicable desire to buy a large-screen TV, along with 20 pounds of frozen salmon, a 10-gallon tub of yogurt and a bag of pretzels large enough to feed everyone in Summit County, with plenty left over. Luckily, they didn’t have a membership so they left empty handed, but it was a close call.
So don’t forget, it’s the equinox. That means 12 hours of sunlight, 12 hours of darkness, give or take a few minutes. We don’t know about you, but we’ve always enjoyed celebrating this auspicious day by unraveling a few balls of yarn, finger-painting ancient runic symbols on our living room wall and organizing hamster races in the basement. Sound weird, we know, but at least it doesn’t involve human sacrifice.
Tell us about your favorite way to party on the equinox. Shoot an e-mail to email@example.com and let us know.
In other news, we feel like we’re being shot at by alien invaders. Why?
Well, apparently last week a few fellow SDN staffers decided to change their ring tones on their office phones.
And, let us tell ya, there’s this one particular ringer that’s driving us bonkers. It sounds like a cartoon laser gun.
Where do these ringers come from anyways? Who gets to create them? Is there one particular job at the phone factory that specializes in producing appalling, ear-splitting, terribly annoying ring sounds? What kind of technology is used to create these horrible noises? Does anyone consider what kind of damage their inflicting when they create ring tones that torture working men and women?
E-mail us at Summit Up if you’ve got any info.