Summit Up 9-23-10: Another entry for the ‘Worst of Summit Up’ book
September 22, 2010
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s doin’ a little rain dance today as the drops fall and we breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, one day of rain doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods vis-a-vis fire danger, but it can’t hurt, right?
Plus, it’s good for the crops.
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Who’s got crops?
SU: Well, some folks out there, we’re sure. We hear in the fall you can really get the ol’ rhubarb growin’ around here, or maybe turnips and other root vegetables. Or you could go to the grocery store and just think about the rain coming down and how it obviously helps crops … somewhere.
We have an e-mail here from George Becker who writes: “I’m still waitin’! When is the scheduled release date?”
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George is talking about the fabled “Worst of Summit Up” book we’ve been planning since 1995. Right now, back in our archives room, we have a team of specially untrained Rhesus macaques going through all our past issues, poring over Summit Up columns and picking out the very worst crap they can find (in between picking out the crap, they also fling crap at us when we come back there to ask them what’s taking them so long going through a mere 21 years of newspapers).
Anyway, George, we appreciate your interest, but those damn monkeys are taking forever! We’ll let you know when they get close.
So just as we were starting to feel all warm and fuzzy about BP and thinking we’d try to find a BP station to fill up our car, we read in treehugger.com that BP security and some Feds are harassing journalists down on the Gulf Coast for, get this: digging in the sand.
Journalists, being curious and skeptical types, aren’t buying this “all’s swell on the Gulf” line we’re being fed, so we sent a squadron of specially trained sand-digging, muckraking journos (along with a handful of Rhesus macaques) to see what they could find. So far, all they found was a bizarro-world where they’re told they can’t dig in the sand and can’t even build sand castles. (We’re guessing this comes from some enterprising journalists telling the Man they weren’t digging but, rather, just building sand castles. Smart, eh?)
So BP is back on our sh** list – not that it ever really left. Those 17 bazillion gallons of oil that spewed out of that well didn’t just vanish into thin … water. Soon, Hollywood will be releasing horror films about oil-covered jumbo shrimp that attack the oil-covered pelicans which, in turn, attack the oil-covered people trying to wash them off and stuff.
We can’t wait.
We get a lot of weird e-mail and a lot of strange spam – much of it from lonely women in the Ukraine who’d like to have babies with us. But today we got one that really has us scratching our heads, and it reads thusly: that Edward regular not Edmonton country fighters Trophy as for
That’s it, that’s all it said. It was from “Although affair brand” and the subject line was “executive stories slide Superior the.”
Go figure. We think it was some kind of mistake, and since we didn’t open some kind of attachment that caused a 10-foot blue flame to shoot out of our computer, we have put this in the “benign weird e-mails folder” along with the many requests for the “Worst of Summit Up” book.
Finally today we received an e-mail from some guy named Marty McFly in Hill Valley, Calif., who writes:
“I do not understand all the controversy regarding the new Breckenridge clock tower. Personally I find it very comforting.”
Yeah, well just wait until you have to rely on that clock to be struck by lightning at the exact time you race past in a DeLorean going 88 mph. It’s not easy, Marty, as you should know!