Summit Up 9-24-09
September 23, 2009
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column totally geared up for this new flick coming out Oct. 2 called Zombieland. See, we here at Summit Up have always been about the underdogs of this world, and when it comes to monsters of any kind, ya kinda have to admit zombies are at the bottom of the heap. Unlike vampires, for example, they can’t wear cool clothes, change into bats or make love to beautiful women (or, we guess, beautiful men, if’n you’re a girl vampire). Zombies don’t have special powers like your Godzillas or other evil mega-types, nor do they have devious criminal minds that can cook up all kinds of schemes for taking over the world. If you’re a zombie, about the only thing lower on the food chain is a mummy – which is sort of like a zombie that’s been handicapped further by being all wrapped up in tape. (Thanks a lot, Ihmotep!)
Now, we know what you’re thinking: Zombies have the numbers, most of the time, and they do get lucky on occasion and pick up a hearty meal of guts, brains or flesh (they prefer charred from car crash but will happily take it raw if need be). But if you think about it, if you’re a zombie you are out there competing with a lot of other zombies for a food source that’s Z) faster than you, K) really scared and motivated to escape from you and 17) more than likely very heavily armed. Zombies are also terribly persecuted. Judging from the films we’ve seen, if you’re a card-carrying member of the flesh-eating undead, you have no basic human rights whatsoever. If you’re a zombie, someone can walk up to you and shoot you right in the melon and the cops won’t do a darn thing except maybe cheer (if they’re still alive, which is usually not the case).
Strictly speaking, this new film Zombieland, which stars Woody Harrelson as a zombie-killing kinda dude, does little to advance the cause of zombies. It looks like they really take it on the chin, over and over, in this film. In one scene, Woody even bashes one with a banjo because the zombie looks like a hick, which is total stereotyping and persecution and probably even violates several tenets of the Geneva Conventions. Even so, we find zombie flicks to be an oddly gratifying escape from reality, and we figure if all that really went down, it’d be a big pain in the butt and all but … we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about work or bills or any of that. It’s just be survival – running around whacking zombies, looking for food and more ammo and such. Simple, right?
OK, yesterday we ran a photo of some former Summit County Journal employees to mark the third anniversary of the death of our friend and colleague Rachel Flood (and that was her on the right in the photo, by the way; we got our directionals crossed). Jane Stebbins was in the middle and we couldn’t place the gal on the left. So Stebbs called to tell us that was Leslie Frost – who now lives in Virgina – and that the photo was taken in 1988. Thanks for the clarification, Stebbs!
That’s it for today, folks. If you see any zombies, remember: You’ve gotta get ’em in the noggin.