Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column gurgling and cooing at the thought of riding around like a papoose.
Driving around Summit Up Land the other day (we were counting all the odd-numbered addresses, just for fun), we were struck by the number of people out exercising with babies in tow. There were inline skaters pushing little wheeled carriages. We saw at least three bikers towing a baby sidecar. And we spotted a few ladies leisurely walking the streets with babies slung in those snuggly blanket contraptions like the indigenous mothers we see in all the history books.
We could be blowing this all out of proportion, of course (we’ve been known to do that occasionally). These sightings could be a sign of Summit Up Land’s parents’ desire to spend quality time with their kids and teach them a love of the outdoors, or it could be a symptom or our ever-increasing day-care shortage.
Honestly, we have no idea if our parents did things like this with us. We suspect they never did much more than give our test tube a spin in the centrifuge. So we can’t help but wonder what it’s like for these kids: What does the world look like when you see it from a chauffeured Radio Flyer wagon? Can anything trouble you when you’re bouncing along the bikepath in an off-road stroller with soft-tail suspension?
We don’t know. That’s why we’ve wrapped ourselves in swaddling blankets, parked our butt on a skateboard and taken a seat next to the highway. If you can spare a lift, we’ll just hitch your tow strap to our pacifier.
And speaking of age, Dave phoned in earlier this week in response to a previous column in which we lamented our recently discovered inability to stay up late. This saddened us, you know, since the thought of being able to cavort and make mischief in the wee hours is a dear pleasure.
“If it’s a gray day when the rabble-rousing hooligan era is gone, then it’s time to retire and hire some silly kid to write the column,” Dave told us. “If you’re that age, it’s probably time to move on to real hardcore news.”
“Hardcore news,” as in front-page stories about goats? Yeah, we could probably handle that.
And speaking of animals: Here’s a trivia conversation starter. What animal kills more people annually than plane crashes? The donkey.
Form a focus group, develop a consensus opinion and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just bray on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
Fric-a-frac-a-Friday. We’ve filled the kiddie pool with Jell-O, and we’re out cooling our bunions …
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