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Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column qualified to hand out the Spammys, or the award given to the most creative crappy e-mail we all receive by the thousands.See, in most every column, we give an e-mail address and ask people to send us ideas about various topics – from bank robbers to snow bunnies. But, we find ourselves overwhelmed with junk mail instead.And we can’t help but read some of them. With strange subject lines like “Your cat is happy,” nonsensical ones like “Zig Not,” and straight-to-the-point subjects like “Find a lonely housewife,” we feel we have our hands on the pulse of e-junk. The organizers of the competition, which comes with a surprise finish, will extend invitations out to all the great Spammers of the world. We will substitute the red carpet with brown shag, and, for entertainment, we’ll ask Ashlee Simpson to lip-sync songs she’s never heard before.Sure, pornography’s a hot topic – but it will be its own category. Other categories would include: Most annoying, most useless, worst scam (we’re looking at you, Zambia), and, finally, the Lifetime Achievement Award. Oh yeah. For the surprise ending, once all the awards have been handed out, we set off the world’s greatest show of pyrotechnics -we firebomb the place.First, we’re taking nominations. Forward your worst Spam to, and we’ll let the judging begin.***It’s almost spring-like weather here, which has us dreaming of days on the golf course and days on the soccer field.However, we don’t wish to be on the soccer field at Chililabombwe, which, despite having a great name, had some troubles last weekend. In a game between Zambia (second reference) and Congo, a lighting pylon collapsed into the crowd. Nobody died. But nobody thought it could get worse.Guess what? It did.While 17 spectators were being treated for injuries, a swarm of bees that had been living on the light post suddenly came alive. The swarm stung several spectators and forced one scrambling man onto the field.Oh yeah, Zambia won, 2-0.Ahhhhh, the days of spring.***We have a Cupid Alert!! Cupid Alert!!, which we love to give out. Peter Fifield and Renee Goljan happily announced their engagement to be married. And the big date is on June 24.One of our field agents worked up the love story for us. Peter, who works at the Fire Place in Breckenridge, and Renee, a Spanish teacher at Summit High School, first swooned for each other at the Breckenridge Outdoor Education Center. They found they have much in common. They both enjoy swinging from monkey bars, testing helmets for the DOT and sampling imported honeycomb. God bless to all!The wedding will take place in Peter’s hometown of Warner, N.H., but we won’t hold that against him. In honor of your marriage-to-be, we give you 52 bonus karma points. Why 52? We give 50 out for the idea of lifelong love, and two extra points for the New Hampshire state motto: Live Free or Die.***It’s Tuesday, but who cares? We’re out finding some brown shag …

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