Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column filling its truck with compressed air.While the tires could probably use it, we’re putting it inside the passenger compartment instead. Yes, this is because we think it would be cool if, every time we opened up the driver’s door, it sounded like the “whoosh” of a can of soda opening up – but this also is because we’d rather not start our day feeling like we’re sitting in a wet diaper.Fortunately, we’re right on the cusp of summer and we won’t have to suffer through this much longer. Here’s what happens. Every time it snows overnight, our car, as yours does, gets covered. This is good. No complaints here.Then we get up in the morning and go through the ages-old Summit Up Land ritual of the morning car scrape.Got to get the engine warmed up and carve out a peephole in the windshield so that we can at least see the oncoming traffic before it, out of control and plowing like a boat through the snowy seas, rams into us.But before we can do any of this, we have to get inside the car to start up the engine (and, of course, see if the lazy solution – the windshield wipers – will get us going). When we do this – open up the door – without fail, every single time, it’s like there’s a vacuum inside the vehicle and the snow shaken loose by opening up the door is whisked inside, coating the driver’s seat with a nice frosting of flakes.Oh, sure, you can try to wipe them off. That just grinds them into the upholstery. We’ve tried blowing, but that just blows the snow all over the expensive, electronic surveillance equipment we use to peep on people as we drive around Summit Up Land’s neighborhoods.We’ve even tried to go from the other side to blow it out the open driver’s door, but this just vacuum-sucks snow from the other side into the car. We can’t win. So, we drive to work, half hoping the car isn’t able to warm up before we reach the office (because this will just melt the snow right into our britches), thinking about how much warmer (and drier) our buns were when we were safe in bed.So, we think we can solve this problem with just a little positive pressure, which is to say, outfitting the Summit Up Mobile with a tank of gas that slowly leaks overnight, filling the cab without just enough air that, when we open the door, a whoosh comes out, instead of getting sucked in. We’ve already got a good start on this innovation, too, we just need to keep a bit more decomposing refuse material in the backseat.***It’s Wednesday, dagnabbit. Tell us all about the face shots and hip-deep turns you had Tuesday at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just record the sounds of your exhausted snoring on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out scraping the ice off our car’s floor mats …
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