Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column as joyful as those ornithological freaks waiting for the swallows to return to Capistrano.Yes, good readers, we might not have the same kind of spring that the rest of the country enjoys – flowers and tree buds blooming in April, songbirds alighting in the trees to serenade us or the young and amorous meeting and falling in love (’round here, it’s more like a square dance where everybody just changes partners) – but we do have our own rites and observances.For us, the best has to be all the bikers coming out of hibernation. Don’t get us wrong: We love the cyclists, and we’re happy to share the road. We’re just not always excited about sharing our field of vision with their backsides.You see, anywhere else in this country, the land comes alive in color in the spring, a rejuvenating burst of saturated greens, yellows, reds and blues. It’s a spectacle of tints, if you will.
Around here, however, we get these colors, oh yes, but they’re always part of the spandex sucking tight to the backsides of cyclists.Us, we’re not bikers. It all goes back to that embarrassing incident where our velo-vrooming companions discovered that our feet weren’t the only part of our cycling outfit stuffed with socks.But if we were, we’d be proudly emblazoned with these spring-heralding colors. So, fly your flags bikers; let the colors run! Just please understand we all can’t help but stare.***
Katie Coakley has to be one of the only gals in Summit Up Land who knows so much about stones. Or at least what they weigh.We wrote the other day about some loony Welshman who carried a washing machine up a mountain as a fundraiser. Our issue was that we couldn’t figure out if this was anything to whoop about, since the reporter who wrote the story we saw described the washing machine as weighing “about six stone.” Apparently, they still use biblical units of measurement – like cubits and furlongs – over there.”Hi, guys. I’m not from the UK, but I can still tell you conversion rates,” Katie e-mailed us. “One stone is equal to approximately 14 pounds. The washing machine was about 84 pounds.”
Thanks, Katie.And now we order all citizens of Summit Up Land to start describing everything in terms of “stone” measurements, even if it’s not weight. Someone asks you, the bartender, for their tab, tell ’em it’s 15 stone. How long until the bus comes? About 10 stone. And if they think it’s odd, just tell them you used to think that way, too, but that was stones ago.***Saturday is here, and we’re actually having trouble coming up with something to tell you to do. We’re out at the bike shop, secretly perforating some of that spandex …
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