Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that should probably have an expiration date on every installment.
That would only be fair. How many times have you picked up a copy of our fair rag, turned to this here page and begun reading, only to get that curious pucker on your face like you just spit out milk you gulped without smelling first. Even nonsensical whimsy has a shelf-life, is what we’re saying.
These are the thoughts we were juggling Saturday morning as we brushed our teeth. That might seem like a strange connection (toothbrushes and expiration dates, that is, not toothbrushes and our teeth – despite what you’ve heard, the latter isn’t that uncommon), but to us it was a perfectly sane question. Why doesn’t our toothbrush have an expiration date?
See, we’re always wondering how we’re supposed to know it’s time to get a new toothbrush. If we had our druthers, and we had bankfuls of money, we’d pay someone to find out exactly what our druthers are. No, actually, we’d treat toothbrushes like we’d treat socks – we’d never wear the same pair twice. Wait, that didn’t make sense, either. What we’re saying is, we’d only use the toothbrush once. Our mouth would then be guaranteed the freshest feeling each day.
But, until daily column writing becomes the lucrative career we all know it should be, we guess we’ll just continue to puzzle over why our deodorant has an expiration date, and why our toothbrush doesn’t.
Oh, the horror.
Lyn wrote us a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! letter saying she was extremely disappointed in the young lady driving a green Explorer at the Tenderfoot trailhead on July 29.
“I saw you throw the empty cigarette pack out your window, even though you denied it,” she wrote. “Miss Clueless, you were parked in front of the Forest Service sign saying, “No Littering.'”
Lyn even included this young woman’s license plate, but we’ll refrain from printing it in the hopes she reads this and makes amends.
“Redeem yourself by picking up trash around the county when you see other losers such as yourself throwing it from their cars,” Lyn wrote.
Such acts, we’ve heard, prevent the karma tide from ebbing away and prevent people from learning their home was built on a sacred Indian landfill. And trust us, you don’t want that; imagine “Poltergeist” meets “Deliverance.”
Yeah, we thought you’d see it our way.
This is an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!!, but it’s not all good news, unfortunately.
A Wildernest woman called to report her cat was chased by another cat right out onto Ryan Gulch Road and died when it was hit by a car. A gentleman named Bob stopped, picked the cat up and took it to the vet. The vet was able to connect the cat back with the family and they had a proper funeral for the feline.
“It was very cool of him not to leave the body on the side of the road for my 2-and-a-half-year-old to find,” she said.
Sometimes, the hardest part of doing a good deed is that first moment when you debate whether or not to stop – the wounded animal, the family with the broken-down car or the litter flitting in the wind, they all give us pause. Bob obviously had the character to follow through.
May the sun shine on you today, Bob, and let your melting butter fill every nook and cranny in your English muffin.
A quick Congrats!: Bob Evans at the Dillon Marina wants us to wish his assistant marina manager, Phil Hofer and wife, Michelle, a happy first anniversary today.
Send us all your announcements at
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just shout “Hear ye! Hear ye!” into the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
Sunday expires at 11:59 p.m. Do not use without first consulting a physician.
We’re out ripening …
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