Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column trying to solve the world’s problems by sitting in meetings.And not just any meetings, mind you, but meetings about meetings. We here at the Corporate Suites have noticed meetings are like potato chips – you can’t stop at just one. Meetings lead to more meetings, and once you pop the top, you can’t stop. We watch as people meet for an hour to plan to meet with other people. We cover that meeting, then in we go to another meeting, our fingers salty and stained with trans fat.
Speaking of trans fat, we found out that nasty solid will be disappearing from a junk food near you thanks to new labeling policies designed to protect consumers from stuffing their arteries until they resemble the gooey cream filling found in Nutter Butters. It seems that about 20 years ago, junk food makers replaced the evil saturated fat with an even more evil trans fat, which makes us wonder: What’s next? Galactic fat that oozes out of our clogged arteries and onto the streets to create more traffic jams?Which brings us back to the topic of sitting. In meetings. We watch people sit in day-long meetings talking about how to solve the problem of a sedentary lifestyle. They come up with great ideas – like holding meetings in a conference room designed as a track so everyone can walk or jog as they talk. And still they sit.But they’re not to be blamed. The problem is so rampant that schools now offer meetings on how to have meetings. For $55, you can sit in an all-day Manager’s Meeting and build skills to make meetings more effective and reduce project time. And reducing project time is a noble goal – because that leaves more time for more meetings.
***We do understand the issues near and dear to our readers’ hearts, including the distressing trend of over-corporatization across all the strata of American life today. But we also recognize conglomerate contributions as well, even by the likes of Wal-Mart. (We know, Wal-Mart is homogenizing the world, small town businesses are being gobbled up by the thousands, that little smiley-face guy is actually evil incarnate, yada, yada yada … ) Their corporate contribution of the day: The elderly greeter. No really. These people are ALWAYS on point. With a smile. With a familiar (yet strangely monotonous), “Hello, welcome friend.” We love these upbeat ushers, and can appreciate the lost art of being consistently chipper. Especially as we’ve seemed to grow increasingly jaded over the years …
Actually, the Frisco Wal-Mart just recently welcomed back one of these unsung heroes after an unfortunate accident. So on your way in to snap up 42-cent bottles of cola, bargain-basement bar stools, or dollar dish washing liquid, say “Spasiba” to Artur, pictured somewhere on this page, at the front door. (He’ll understand your inelegant Russian.)***It’s just another manic Monday. We wish it was Sunday. That’s our fun day. Tell us about your fun day on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext, 237 or drop us an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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