Summit Up: Full of tips for visiting aliens
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s breathing a sigh of relief now that Election Day is over – for now! We still have primaries in August, the Big One in November and, come to think of it, a wee li’l special election in May for any Frisco folks who want to weigh on whether the sanitation district should accept a $400,000 grant to buy a fancy disinfecting ultraviolet poop zapper (it’s complicated). Well, duh! Of course we’ll want that! It’s way better than the old way of de-pooping the water with rakes and cheesecloth and stuff.
Anyway, we’ve got a lot of random mail to get through today, so let’s go: First up is something that lets us know there’s a very cool, very large bike sale happening this weekend at Mountain Sports Outlet in Dilverthorne. We know it’s looking kinda snowy now, but that could change in a heartbeat, and you most definitely want to have a decent set of wheels to tool around on come spring. Here’s the skinny:
“The name of this event says it all: Deals on Wheels. For one weekend only – April 10-11 starting at 9 a.m. Saturday and 10 a.m. Sunday – avid cyclists and wannabe bikers looking for a new set of self-propelled wheels can save up to 60 percent on hundreds of bikes that are assembled and ready to ride out of the Mountain Sports Outlet store located behind Arby’s at the junction of Highway 6 and I-70. This is the largest bike sale in the high country and features models from top manufacturers such as Specialized, Trek, Bianchi, and Fuji. Prices start as low as $99.99 for Trek rental bikes and go up depending on the model and features. As an additional incentive, every bike purchase includes free lifetime adjustments. A selection of bike models and sizes for kids will also be on sale.”
Get thee over there and get a sweet deal! And while you’re at it, hop into Arby’s and choke down one a-dem beef n’ cheddar sandwiches. They’re indescribably good-ish.
Here’s a Smarty Pants Alert! going out to Shelbie Ebert of Breckenridge. Seems Shelbie was named to the dean’s list at the State University of New York at New Paltz for the Fall 2009 semester. She’s majoring in theatre arts.
Nice, way to go Shelbie!
Next we have a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! from Chadwick Kenyon in Breck, who gets an A-Plus for a very cool name and writes thusly:
“Monday I went into City Market in Dillon on my way home from a gig the previous night at Bootleggers, as I am a local working musician who plays at numerous places around the county. I did not want to bring my guitar into the store as it is heavy and is an inconvenience. I put the guitar around the side of the building near Sports Authority in a well-hidden area thinking that for 10 minutes it will be safe, as I ride the bus so I was just going for a quick in and out trip to get a bite to eat and then head back on to Breck.”
(cue ominous music)
“I came back and the guitar was gone. This guitar has been mine since i was 15 and has traveled the country with me. It has been played to death and most likely would not get more than 5 bucks from any pawn shop as it is the epitome of the word ‘used.’ I make my living playing guitar and that is my only source of income. Without this guitar, I am out of work, as well as without the most important thing in my entire life. I am at a total loss, and as any musician knows, an instrument that’s been in your life that long is like a child, and I feel like my child was taken. I am incredibly despondent and hoping that the goodness of someone’s soul can help me find it. It is a black left-handed Fender Stratocaster, with electrical tape holding the strap on. The return of this guitar would be the greatest gift I could receive. If anyone can help, I would be eternally grateful. You might save a life.”
Well, that sucks! If anyone knows anything about the low-down scum-sucking dog that horked Chadwick’s ax, send him a blast at email@example.com.
Speaking of UFOs (see above photo), we have an e-mail here from Pat Regan, who as any fool knows is the founder of North West UFO Research. Sez here Pat has a “ground-breaking new book”: UFO: The Search for Truth which, we are assured in this press release, “will change the way we observe our place in the Cosmos and world history.”
The main thing we want to know (and which we hope is covered in the book) is why any race of beings would expend the extraordinary amount of time and effort it would take to visit another solar system, and then fritter around blinking lights, probing weirdos and creating mystifying calendars that predict the end of the world? Why not pop in for tea, or visit the president (or, at the very least, the local Tea Party Express representatives)? Give us some cool technology and some cures for stuff – don’t just mess with us, goldarnit!
All of this is in our upcoming book Tips for ETs: How to Respectfully Treat Your Host Planet without Freaking Everyone Out.”
We’ll let you know where to get it when it’s done.
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.
Now more than ever, your financial support is critical to help us keep our communities informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having on our residents and businesses. Every contribution, no matter the size, will make a difference.
Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User
DILLON — Due to novel coronavirus rules, Anthony Santiago can’t visit his older brother Cristian at Children’s Hospital of Colorado in Aurora during Cristian’s slow recovery from a car crash last month. That’s why it…