Summit Up: Special fox poop edition
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that really only wants to know one thing: How in the Sam Hill do you prononounce Eyjafjallajokull?This, as you may have heard, is the name of the Icelandic glacier under which a giant volcano has become active. As a result, plumes of ash are messing up air travel all over Europe. Whatever: For Summit Up, our main concern is this prononunciation, so we Googled it and came up with a bit on ABC News where they had a lady who speaks Icelandic say the name for them. Phonetically, it roughly breaks down to this: Ay-a-fyat-la-ya–kut. But you’ve gotta really get the inflection and Icelandic feel for it to say it properly, and we simply can’t do it justice here. We suggest you turn to any Icelandic friends you may have and ask them to say it for you. Remember, though, that according to Wikipedia, there are only 5,112 people in the U.S. who speak Icelandic (how do they know this??!!). Are there any in Summit County? We don’t know, but we’d love to hear from any local speakers of Icelandic. Give us a buzz at (970) 668-4618 and say something cool – starting with a limerick that begins:There once was a man from Eyjafjallajokull …***So, as we’ve noted on many occasions in this space, this is the time of year when dog poop comes out of hibernation – along with the marmots and other hibernatin’ critters. The poop wasn’t hibernating so much as it was biding its time in suspended, frozen state -just waiting for someone (usually us) to walk along with our brand-new white boat shoes and step in it.Rail as we do against the practice of allowing dogs to poop without cleaning up, people still let those canine colons run amok all winter long. Oddly enough, though, we found ourselves doing something the other day that defied all reason: We created a fake pile of dog poop. And it looked so real that we thought maybe it was time to start supplementing our income by making fake turds for the Whizz-O Gag & Prank Company.MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: There’s no shortage of the real thing all over the place. Why would you make a fake one?SU: Our kid made us do it! One of the other kids in the neighborhood played a prank on him (it involved a Tootsie Roll and a piece o’ poop) and he wanted revenge. So we took some flour, some salt, some water and some Nestle’s Quik and mixed it all together, rolled it into a snake and coiled it strategically. The prankster then introduced the faux turd to the friend (who, for some reason, thought it was fox poop) and took a bite out of it.The lesson here is simple: Go green! Don’t buy some plastic fake dog turd when, if you really need one, you can make yourself out of cheap, wholesome and completely biodegradable ingredients from home!Eartha Steward would be so proud of us.***This is a perfect segue into a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! we received from Travis in Georgetown, who writes thusly:On Saturday I was leaving Copper Mountain after the free Steel Pulse show when I noticed a Summit County Sherriff’s Officer with a K-9 dog standing in one of the planters/ flower beds. The dog was hunched over and clearly having a bowel movement. After the dog finished his business in the flower bed, the officer in control of the K-9 tugged on the leash and he and the dog walked away, leaving the fresh steaming dog pile behind in the flower bed for the public to enjoy and for some unfortunate Copper Mountain gardener to clean up. You’d think with hundreds of witnessed to this that the officer would have had the smarts to clean up after his K-9. I can’t help but think that if this were me and my dog in the exact same situation, I’d have gotten a ticket. How about leading by example, Summit County K-9 Officer?”We agree – that’s pretty lame! Repent, O K-9 officer: We sentence you to clean up 100 piles of dog poop this spring! Sheriff Minor, make it so!We out.
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