Summit Up: Where explosives in the right hands save hands | SummitDaily.com
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Summit Up: Where explosives in the right hands save hands

JOHNNY ROCKET
Special to the Daily
ALL |

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column celebrating the freedom to ignite fireworks in what’s generally accepted to be the world’s best celebration of autonomy from kings, queens or emperors.

We feast on our cows, pigs and chickens, imbibe our lemonade and domestic pilsners and wave our star-spangled banners.

The Fourth of July is just dandy.

And how about those majestic purple mountains? Pretty sweet, eh?

You may have noticed some of the foliage turning from forest green to dead red.

They’re infested with the very beetles Al Gore says signal global warming and perhaps the apocalyptic end to freedom as we know it. Or it’s a hoax (suspicion breeds confidence).

Aside from the sensationalism, one thing our local on-the-ground experts agree on is that those dried-out, dead trees will one day burn in a great big wildfire.

Nobody wants that, so for the love of God, whoever keeps setting off bottle rockets at the Mount Royal trailhead and over by Green Mountain Reservoir – as well as wherever else – STOP!

The weekend includes five big-time professional fireworks displays complete with firefighters and preventative measures.

You want to exercise your freedom to light your own? Do it someplace else, like Texas or Wyoming.

There’s a reason we leave it to the professionals out here, and it has nothing to do with abridging your First Amendment rights.

Also some local law enforcers are doing zero tolerance on fireworks citations this weekend, so you could end up in deep trouble.

***

We have a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! from a local Frisco resident. Looks like there’s an awfully irresponsible dog owner on the loose:

“Last Sunday afternoon, my neighbor was bicycling from Frisco to Breckenridge on the rec path. While traveling on the bridge near the Breckenridge police station, an UNLEASHED dog cut in front of her.

Of course, she hit it and then flew over her handlebars landing on her right side.

The male dog owner said, ‘I’m sorry,’ and ran away with his dog leaving this wonderful lady lying on the bridge.

My neighbor will not run or even walk for eight or more weeks as she has a broken hip. Her summer and fall recreation plans are ruined while this inconsiderate jerk can still go jogging with his lab.

Please dig into your vault of colorful expressions and give this guy everything that he deserves plus decades of bad karma.”

Oh, he’ll suffer all right. That about the most detestable Scum Alert!! we’ve come across.

May the creation of voodoo dolls and hexing commence!

No man who causes a terrible wreck and leaves the victim seriously injured – and out of commission for a preciously brief mountain summer – should be able to walk away without some sort of karmic firestorm.

We foresee the collective outrage among Millions of Summit Up Readers coalescing in a metaphysical force capable of shattering this man’s peace and perhaps even sanity.

***

So regarding fireworks, another reason we highly discourage their use is that they’re just so crappy these days.

Just 15 years ago we were able to procure bottle rockets with fuselages the size of cigars. Now they’re Virginia Slims.

The cherry bomb today only exists in the verbal lore passed along through generations of adolescent fantasies.

M-80’s? More like M-snap ‘n pops. There was a time when a firecracker could blow a hole in the ground. Today you’re lucky if you can get a hole in a Coke can.

On the bright side (pun intended), the professional fireworks shows get more dazzling every year.

Finally, if you want a “scared straight” reason to avoid your own fireworks, search”fireworks burn” under Google images.

It’s Sunday, and we’re patriots!


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