The art of de-stressing your wedding
Your wedding day is supposed to be one of your happiest.
Even still, weddings often become stressful ordeals for family members. With revved up emotions and people emptying their pockets, it can be difficult to keep everyone happy leading up to the big day. And if everyone is traveling, costs rise and people are looking for a fun vacation and a seamless wedding.
As if that’s not enough to raise your stress levels, consider that brides are getting older. Mothers who expected to plan their daughter’s weddings find themselves competing with a grown woman for influence in the wedding plans. And just about everybody has a strong opinion when it comes to expensive weddings.
But never fear ” you can survive the stress. The professionals who help plan and pull off weddings have seen it all, and they’re here with help.
If emotions are going to come to a head during the wedding proceedings, it’ll probably be at the rehearsal dinner.
“The party starts on rehearsal and sometimes that can ruin it. If there’s anything that’s gonna come out it’s probably gonna come out in that,” says Shelley Brady, owner of Jill Zachary Studio and Spa in Breckenridge.
Linda Schafer, owner of Veils and Vows bridal consulting business in Vail, agrees that rehearsal dinners have the potential to bring out the worst in family members – especially when it comes to seating. But knows how to skirt these stressors.
“I make sure all that is settled before the rehearsal,” says Schafer.
Seating may seem like a small thing, but with fractionalized families and any lingering tensions it can mean a world of difference. If a bride has to arrange seating in front of the wedding party, stress soon follows. So, Schafer says, get it done in advance.
“The brides aren’t put on the spot to say, ‘I didn’t want him sitting by so and so.’ I want all the tension out before the big day,” adds Schafer.
Brady sees a sunnier side of the high country wedding business: “80% of the weddings I do are destination weddings. When people come here to get married, they are happier with the whole surrounding. They have a better attitude.”
If family-related problems do crop up, Brady advocates the parents’ deferring to the desires of the bride and groom.
“I think that parents, when their children are of the age to marry, should let them live their lives,” says Brady. Surprisingly, she says the person most prone to wreaking power-trip havoc is the mother of the groom. Maybe it’s a backlash against that old saying that the mother of the groom should “shut up and wear beige.”
But Brady says things work out best when control-happy parents step back and let the two who are marrying have free reign over decisions.
In true power struggles, a hired wedding consultant can step in.
Schafer said consultants provide neutral advice, allowing the bride and groom to express themselves freely. Also, it doesn’t hurt to relax on some of the details and to reach compromise.
When the parents of the bride or groom have been are remarried, seating issues can sneak back into the fray. The bride or groom might insist that the biological parents sit together rather than the stepparents. Once again a neutral third party can help get some of these personal feelings worked out.
But ultimately, weddings bring out the best in people. “One bride had 8 different parents, each parent had been married twice again and they all came. It turned out to be a wonderful party and everybody got along,” recalls Schafer. While it can be a stressful business, Schafer reminds that “most adults can rise to the occasion and make it a very special day.”
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