Three women, three colds and me |

Three women, three colds and me

Summit Daily file photoAndrew Gmerek

I never thought it would get this bad. I never thought it was possible that I could think of running away from home to some South Seas island without a second thought. In the past three days, however, I have to say my mind has wandered in that general direction more than once or twice.You see, my wife and kids have come down with anything-but-a-common cold and this has forced me into the role of caretaker/nurse to a house full of, how can I put this delicately, sick and insane women. Now before anyone out there thinks I’m seriously talking about abandoning my wife and daughters in their hour of runny-nose need, all I can say is “get real.” I love these guys so much I’d do stupid things like jump in front of a bus to save them or swim with sharks to protect them, so I’m not going to up and walk out just because of a few stray boogers or poorly aimed sneezes.

I hope, however, that I’ll get cut some slack and just the tiniest bit of room to blow off steam because, if you’ve never lived with a sick woman in the house, well, you just don’t understand the difficulties. You can never fathom the problems that arise with one sick woman, let alone a sick woman and two small, cold-infested girls.If I had the ability to create 100 versions of myself, I still would never be able to keep up with all the needs, demands, wants and cries for help.It kind of makes me wonder if it wouldn’t be simpler to live with a bunch of guys.

Men are, as everyone knows, easier to get along with when they are sick than women. I remember when I was a kid and my brother and I stayed home sick from school. We were always darling little angels that my mother barely noticed in the house.Sure every once in a while one of us might ask for a single dry piece of toast or maybe a teeny tiny glass of water, but that was it. There was never any crying or whining. There was never a constant stream of demands just because we were feeling poorly. And under no circumstances did we ever just hang out in bed and have my mom wait on us hand and foot. If we wanted something to eat or we needed a tissue, well, we just dragged ourselves out of bed and found one. And if we were too sick to get up then we simply suffered in silence like all good children – and adults – should.Of course, some people might not believe this is how it happened, and my only response to these doubters would be to go ask my Mom. She’d certainly vouch that I’m telling the truth if she wasn’t out of the state with no possible way to be reached for the next several months or possibly years.

In the end, I figure it this way: My kids will be back on their feet in a day or two and my wife at about the same time and everything will return to normal. Then I’ll still get ordered around, asked numerous questions and wait on them hand and foot. The only difference being that this time they won’t be sniffling while they do it. And all will be right with the world.Andrew Gmerek writes a Friday column. He cam be reached at

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