I girded my loins and headed out the door. 

I’m going to pause here for a moment. I have used that idiom countless times over the years but in truth I have no idea the origin. I just like the phrase because of the double-entendre possibilities. So if you’ll wait, I’ll go look it up.

I’m back. In the olden times when folks wore robes and tunics, if you were about to undergo a difficult task you might tighten the belt on your robe so you would have more freedom of movement to fight, run or mount your horse. Another more modern term would be “brace yourself.”

So, all that said, I braced myself to head out the door to go to the grocery store during Christmas week. I never would have been so foolish had the need not been great. Every holiday season my mate cooks up her world-famous kale and lima-bean casserole, which is both nutritious and keeps us from getting invited to potlucks. She was missing a couple of ingredients that were crucial.

The parking lot was as packed as Mile High Stadium back when the Broncos were good. I managed to find a spot within walking distance of the store. Like a ninja, I slithered around the market, picking up the few items needed for that vile dish. I used no cart and only stopped long enough to buy a few raffle tickets raising funds so ski patrollers could afford Spam for their holiday meals. 

Heading back to my car, I needed to stop and rest halfway. Upon reaching my destination I saw that a white SUV, large enough to grow crops in, had blocked me in. I will keep the vehicle’s state of origin a secret. But I will say there was a bumper sticker sporting horns and another sticker I had never seen before. There was a huge “F” and next to it was ‘aith’ ‘amily’ ‘eedom — spelling out Faith, Family, Freedom.

Now, in that bonehead’s defense, he/she might have thought I could finagle my way out — and actually, they were correct. With the help of a bystander I made about 10 back and forth maneuvers to escape.

I just wanted to get home and hide, but the traffic was as slow as my answers at a spelling bee. The snow covering the lines on the road caused barn dance bedlam at every intersection with vehicles and pedestrians marching to their own drummer. Seems I was the only one driving like I was not in a hurry — even though I was. Once safely home I vowed not to drive until after the new year.

I needed to decompress. I un-girded and donned ski clothing. I put on my boards across the street from my house and headed out, through the hood, to access open space. For the first 15 minutes I saw a few folks snowshoeing or walking their dogs, but once I got to town-owned trails I did not see another soul. 

It did not take long to put my earlier frustrations with crowds, parking and traffic in perspective. If it were not for the guests who cause those three inconveniences there would be way fewer social services and amenities. I also would have had to have gotten a real job years ago. The trails and open space I was skiing on were paid for in part by the folks like the bonehead who blocked me in at the grocery store. 

I did a short loop on our local trails and, as the sky turned red, I headed back towards the hood. I skied by big-lighted homes. I saw folks through the windows and others on the decks and in hot tubs relaxing after a day of skiing and/or getting ready to head out for the night.  I took off my skis at the same spot where I put them over an hour earlier.

I looked across the street towards a short-term rental where a large family playing in the snow in the front yard. Three kids were trying to throw snow balls. Our world famous dry snow caused the snow to not stick together. So rather than a ball they were tossing mists of white spray at each other while laughing with joy. Two parents had placed the youngest kid in a drift and she was throwing snow up over her head as they took photos.

I had to walk by them to get to my place. Their bliss was contagious, causing me to smile. “Happy holidays!” the dad yelled at me. I responded in kind. As I passed, I noticed their white car with the “Faith, Family Freedom” sticker. I added, “I hope you guys have an awesome vacation.”

Jeffrey Bergeron’s column “Biff America” publishes Mondays in the Summit Daily News. Bergeron has worked in TV and radio for more than 30 years, and his column can be read in several newspapers and magazines. He is the author of “Mind, Body, Soul.” Bergeron arrived in Breckenridge when there was plenty of parking and no stoplights. Contact him at biffbreck@yahoo.com.