Boob tube is cat’s meow |

Boob tube is cat’s meow

It’s been almost a month since we adopted a tiny little furball with claws, and we just now have figured out a way for him to entertain himself while we’re away at work or recuperating in the hospital from kitten claw lacerations.

We were quite worried the first day we left little Zeke alone. We worried about the furniture, house plants, hardback novels and the fate of our two other cats – one of whom no longer has claws, and despite his 16-pound girth, can’t defend himself against whirling dervishes like Zeke.

Inside the house, Zeke is a ferocious little beast. He erupts from behind corners to attack people’s calves and leaps straight up in the air in an attempt to protect his turf, which is narrowly defined as whatever is directly in front of his face at any given moment.

Zeke is a little too … uh, oblivious S to be permitted outside yet. He bristles at the wind, hisses at poppies swaying in the breeze and bolts in a black and white blur if a cloud blocks the sun.

He’s a little young, we think, to dope up with catnip, and we can’t stay home all day to entertain him and protect our daughter.

But now, we have the ultimate babysitter to distract Zeke from his mischievous ways: Meow TV.

I have never been even a little fan of television. Like most parents, I loathed that dancing purple dinosaur named Barney. I was shocked by Teletubbies. I endured Rug Rats. (I have, however, a soft spot in my heart for SpongeBob SquarePants and his friends Gary the snail, Squidward and Patrick the Lobster.) I have tried – for the most part, to no avail – to keep my daughter away from all that.

But Zeke? Give me the remote.

We noticed early on that Zeke is a big fan of television. It doesn’t matter what’s on the tube; he sits in front of the TV and stares at the contraption. Hockey, basketball, the History Channel – Zeke is hooked. We can hardly peel him away to get him to bed on school nights.

But while we’re at work (or in the hospital), he now can watch Meow TV.

This show is on the Oxygen network, the station created for women whose brains have gone to mush watching Jenny Jones: “I’m in Eighth Grade … Are You My Baby’s Daddy?”

Producers say today’s sophisticated, high-tech felines need a little more mental stimulation than balls of yarn, paper bags and little plastic balls with bells inside. They need TV.

Episodes on Meow TV include “Cat Yoga,” “Cat Haiku” and the “House Cat Shopping Network,” where they hawk such items as Cosmic Dynamite catnip and dead mice. Squirrels, fish and birds dart across the screen. Advertising is for the finest in Whisker Lickins’ cat food – served in the best crystal dishes.

Songs featured on the program include “Spay You, Spay Me” and “Mice, Mice Baby.” We shudder to think of the lyrics.

Advance showings of Meow TV have had mixed reviews, with some cats choosing to clean their netherparts or chase flies rather than learn how to pose in the “camel” yoga position.

But we think this could be a hit with Zeke.

No longer will he have to watch all the violence on “Law and Order” or the graphic three-

dimensionality of people innards on “CSI: Miami.” Nope. Move over, Buffy. We’re changing the channel.

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