Biff America: Fear and craving in the bedroom (column) |

Biff America: Fear and craving in the bedroom (column)

Jeffrey Bergeron
Biff America

“Are you awake?”

I knew what Ellie had on her mind so I pretended to be asleep. My mate is not one to take “no” for an answer so she prefixed the next question with an elbow to the ribs along with a slight caress, She asked again, “Are you awake?”

I looked at the clock next to our bed — it was a little after 1 a.m. — and said, “I am now.”

I was a little perturbed. I made her an offer a few hours earlier when we first went to bed, she declined, and now, three hours later… So, that is exactly what I told her. And I added, “This is the third night in a row you have awoken me for this, it isn’t healthy.”

My wife has not been herself since the recent election which has had a direct result on her needs. She was not to be denied, “Come on. Don’t be mad, do we have any sleeping pills left?”

To say my mate and I were upset by Trump’s victory would be an understatement. For both of us there have been tears, fears and sleepless nights. And I will say this has been the case, to some degree, with most of the people we know.

Now granted I would call myself a liberal, but I am not a GOP basher. There are positions on the right in which I can see merit. And angst and despair were not feelings I had when other Republicans were elected. I was not delighted, but certainly not fearful, when Nixon, Reagan, Bushes 41 and 43 were inaugurated.

But DJT’s election has left my mate and I both frightened and disheartened.

I’m not going to go into all the reasons why I don’t like our president-elect other than to say his bombastic rhetoric has given a voice to ignorance and hatred to a heretofore marginalized fringe. But the truth is he was elected, and for better or worse he is our POTUS. Rather than be angry or hand wring I will dedicate my time and money to promoting organizations with policies in which I believe, fight those I don’t and support leaders I respect.

So if you are like me and want to stop eating Ambien like M&M’s here are some points that helped me both reconcile the election and get some sleep:

1) Not all, or even most, of Trump voters are racist, homophobic, xenophobic. They saw his flaws and made the choice that he, warts included, was a better choice.

2) Because of our Constitution and checks and balances contained in it, DJT and his cabinet can only affect changes very slowly and what he/they do, can be undone under another administration.

3) There are freaks and weasels serving on both sides of the aisle and though I do strongly resent Mitch McConnell and those other obstructionists for impeding President Obama’s agenda I will cautiously concede they probably did so more out of conscience rather than a personal vendetta.

4) Yes HRC won the popular vote but that is not (currently) how we elect a POTUS.

Now this in no way negates my negative feelings about our soon-to-be commander in chief, but I do believe, though he might be horribly misguided in terms of environment, public lands and health care, he will likely implement some policies that, in retrospect, will be considered positive.

My greatest anger is reserved for Americans, on both sides, who did not vote. For the love of God, many in other countries and many in ours have given their lives so that others can have that right.

So rather than give my bride our last sleeping pill, in a quiet voice I droned on reciting those aforementioned assertions. By the time I had finished she was out like a light. But by then I was so wound up I got out of bed and shuffled towards the medicine cabinet……..

This column is dedicated to all my conservative friends, whom I spoke to before writing this column — especially B.B. and WG.

Jeffrey Bergeron, under the alias of Biff America, can be read in several newspapers and magazines. He can be reached at Biff’s new book “Mind, Body, Soul.” is available at local shops and bookstores or

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