Kobe Bryant: The dictionary’s new definition of the word moronic
As far as I know, it takes a lot for the people who compile, write and edit the Webster’s Dictionary to change the definition of a word. In many cases, it takes years of use in everyday language for a word to find its way into those hallowed pages and changing the definition to include some new slang meaning can take even longer.
But just last week, the folks at Webster’s switched into high gear and put in a rush order to alter the definition of the word moronic.
The new definition reads something like: MORONIC. (v.) Behaving in a Kobe-Bryant-like or a Kobe-Bryant- basketball-fan-like manner.
Soon, I’m sure, the name Kobe Bryant will even become synonymous with doing something incredibly stupid.
“Hey Bill, when you flipped off that cop and he had to beat you with his night stick- now that was a real Kobe.” or “Hey Rob, taking that iron pole on top of Quandary Peak in the middle of a thunderstorm was a real Kobe.”
Now before I go any further with my train of thought I’d like to say that whether Kobe Bryant is a sexual predator or not is not the subject of this column. Though I certainly hope the answer to that incredibly important question comes out in court at a later date, I’m probably one of the few members of the press who doesn’t feel the need to convict or exonerate anyone in public.
This column is, however, about the stupidity Bryant has already shown in creating his mess and how his fan base has added to the moronic spiral.
I’m also well aware that when I call Bryant a moron, I’m probably offending other morons with my opinions, but hey, what’s a death threat or two among people who don’t really know each other and hope to never cross paths?
First off, have you seen Bryant’s wife? Most of the guys I know, married or otherwise, drooled over her picture even though they saw her when she wasn’t at her best because her husband was refuting rape charges by admitting he cheated. So, what was he thinking? That there was something better out there?
Then there’s that whole new baby thing that really proves this guy’s a moron.
As a new father myself, I can’t believe anyone would be mindless enough to risk his newly arrived family for any reason. What kind of father, what kind of man, can’t keep his fly zipped up when he has a new baby at home counting on him to be secure and supportive?
But it’s the reaction to Bryant’s arrest that has caused me the most concern. Not only have Bryant’s fans sent death threats to the Eagle County Sheriff’s Department and the district attorney, but they’ve also managed to locate the address of the alleged victim, put it on the Internet and then send her plenty of nasty notes.
And yet, more times than I’d like to count, I’ve heard sports radio talk show hosts demand that the police release this woman’s name so these want-to-be detectives can dig deeper into her personality, to see if she’s a liar or a gold digger.
In conversations on the alleged sexual assault, not once have I heard anyone, except maybe myself, say that out of all the scenarios that might have taken place that night, there is the possibly that he assaulted the woman. When I make this statement, the bar usually stops cold, beer loses its head and television screens turn to snow.
I guess it just never occurs to most people – in this case I’ve spoken to both men and women – the woman could be telling the truth or that she didn’t somehow ask to be raped.
Sometimes I fear for my daughter’s future.
Personally, I think Bryant makes enough money to afford to pay someone about $150,000 a year or so to follow him around and smack him in the back of the head when he’s about to do something stupid or even criminal.
Give me a call, Kobe. I’ll take the job.
Columnist Andrew Gmerek opines on the world around him in this space every Friday. He’s only kidding about the folks at Webster’s.
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