It has been a while since I’ve heard from mother Earth, but she called me Friday while I was washing one of my mild-hybrid vehicles. She proclaimed, “Greetings. I see you are using one of my recyclable resources. You and California will be glad for the water that I provided this season.”

She continued, ”I wanted to give you notice as it appears in your Yahoo News.

“Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Uranus will parade across the sky, accompanied by the moon and a possible star cluster,” she continued. “The planets will be arrayed across the western horizon in an arc about 20 to 25 minutes after Monday’s sunset.’ 

“The gravitational pull from the alignment of these planets will definitely change my orbit,” she said. “As you know, changes to my orbit along with the sun’s activity are what cause my climate to change. It will take a while to determine the extent of the change.”

“I know it has been exceptionally cold for you this winter. Perhaps the coming ice age is coming sooner than we expect. I ask you to hold off on your efforts to abate global warming that I have been implementing for the past 13,000 years since the last Ice Age. It’s complicated,” she finished.

Then Mother Earth hung up.