Love, acceptance and more gifts to buy |

Love, acceptance and more gifts to buy

The unmarried couple down the street is having sex – maybe not at this moment – but in general. Of course I can’t be sure, but I saw them walking down the street holding hands. I put two and two together, and I deduced they must occasionally make love. The fact this couple engages in premarital sex, within sight (if I use my binoculars) of my house does not bother me.

On the other hand, there is a neighbor living on the same block that does not pick up after his dog. His hound, a chow with the colon of a Clydesdale, soils my yard.

That really ticks me off. Some might find it odd that I have no problem with an unmarried couple having more fun than I am, although I resent stepping in dog manure. I guess I’m just a little crazy that way.

The difference is, the guy who lets his dog run free affects my life and footing, while the young couple does not.

There has been a long-standing argument between liberals and conservatives regarding when life begins. Some say life begins at birth, some say at conception. Others say life begins when those who live it learn to mind their own business.

Traditionalists on both sides of the political aisle breathed a collective sigh of relief as a Colorado Legislature committee killed a bill this month that would recognized gay and lesbian unions.

By recognize, I don’t mean waving to couples at the grocery store or inviting them over for dinner. By recognize, I mean granting same-sex couples inheritance rights, hospital visitation rights and spousal benefits – all rights that heterosexual couples take for granted.

I’ll admit the thought of same-sex marriages scares me. If gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, the rest of us will have to buy twice as many wedding presents. That said, since they are less likely to have children, perhaps our education taxes will decrease. So all in all, I guess it would be a financial wash, and more a matter of whatever it takes to encourage love is worth the bother of gift wrapping a few blenders.

“This bill (same sex unions) undermines marriage,” said State Representative Shawn Mitchell, a Republican from Broomfield.

I have a news flash Shawn Mitchell: what undermines marriages is infidelity, lack of honesty and commitment and weak-kneed, self-serving politicians trying to define love.

With one of two heterosexual unions going down in flames, maybe if we allowed some gay and lesbian blood into the mix we could get the win-loss record at least up to that of the Denver Nuggets.

I wish I could blame this on the Republican Legislature. I cannot. Both the Donkeys and Elephants on the committee rolled over on this bill. Why? I think it is because they felt a need to kiss up to the traditionalists who believe the only decent posture on marriage is the missionary position.

Despite what many on the opposing side might have you believe, this has little to do with the “sanctity of marriage,” “mocking a traditional institution” or the added costs of providing life-partners benefits. This is simply a result of the fact the idea of love – or more specifically sex – between two of the same gender gives some people the creeps.

What gives me the creeps is the idea of anyone caring about any sex that they are not having.

I would think that a gay or lesbian relationship, under the best conditions, would be difficult. In my hetero-union, the roles and obligations are well defined. I’m not sure how same-sex couples work that out. For instance, who decides which partner gets to unplug toilets, clean the house, walk the dog and then stay up past midnight to write this column, and which partner gets to leave the sink full of dirty dishes and ski all day?

If, despite the societal pressure, two people chose to marry, I say go for it. There is little enough love in this world without mandating that only one Adam’s apple per marriage is allowed.

“I want to dance at my son’s wedding and welcome his partner into our family.” A mother of a gay man said that to me.

Personally I have absolutely no problem with that as long as I’m not expected to bring a gift and both partners pick up after their pet S


Biff America can be seen on RSN television, heard on KYSL and KOA radio, and read in several mountain publications. He can be reached at

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