$0.02: Forget the road rage. What’s with the Element? | SummitDaily.com

$0.02: Forget the road rage. What’s with the Element?

DEVON O'NEILsummit daily news
Devon O'Neil

The cries rang through the office like the plague was two blocks away, and Ferrari’ing toward us. Jake Plummer drives what? A Honda Element? Cuh-mon. No way. The guy signed a $40 million contract. Elements cost $22,000. What gives?It has to be the gas mileage, we concluded. Twenty-four miles to the gallon. Have you seen the prices these days? Three bucks a gallon! He’s getting eight miles per dollar. Way to go, Snake!Seriously, though, no wonder the dude in the pickup that Plummer allegedly hit failed to recognize the Broncos’ starting quarterback. I have a tough time believing the team’s beat writers would recognize him under those circumstances.

And so it has come to this. A ridiculous, embarrassing pun that is unfortunately too fitting to pass up at this moment. Like Donnie in The Big Lebowski, Plummer was simply out of his Element. …Ho hum. Danica Patrick finishes eighth at the Indy 500. If that fails to drop the jaws – and it did – we must be over it already. The girl’s good. Next? …In case you haven’t heard, the defending world champion Chicago White Sox were 33-17 – 16 games over .500 – going into Tuesday night’s games, and still 1 1/2 games out of first place. That’s because Detroit, the hapless weakling that has padded the records of AL Central teams for years now, is suddenly the best team in baseball.I just can’t get over that. The Tigers last week got to 20 games over .500, 48 games into the season. Is it Leyland, the manager? Is it Motown, the magic? We are reduced to awestruck wondering, regardless. …

On the opposite end of the AL Central, the Royals (12-37) went into Tuesday a whopping 22 games out of first place. Pitiful does not begin to explain this team. Quickly now, a free ice cream cone to the person who can name three current Royals. …That Barry Bonds reality show is hilarious. Not because of the access, or even anything having to do with baseball at all. The first time I tuned in for more than a commercial break, they shot to “Barry’s Apartment” in downtown San Francisco.So I’m expecting some plush five-bedroom penthouse, right? Uh-uh. Instead, we go inside this tiny little head-squasher, with Bonds telling us it’s cramped as heck and that one of his kids sleeps on an air mattress.

Who in the hell is living in the nice San Francisco apartments, if Barry Bonds is not? …The NHL still is struggling to find fans. Which means, the NHL did not necessarily need Edmonton (it’s in western Canada) to advance to the Stanley Cup Finals. …In parting, put this one in the Don’t-let-it-happen-to-you category. Went for a mountain bike ride the other day. Good, clean fun. Until I hit a rock and broke my fall by planting my hand in a warm pile of dog poop. That was neither good, nor clean, nor fun.Devon O’Neil can be contacted at (970) 668-4633, or at doneil@summitdaily.com.

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