Bryce’s Breakdown: I guess it can always be worse, right?
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That noise you heard, that was me banging my head repeatedly against my desk after watching the way the Cubs have played this postseason.
And in the moments of clarity ” er, delusion ” that followed, I desperately began trying to find ways to make everything seem OK, to make myself feel that another Cubs collapse couldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen in sports.
Though I couldn’t convince myself that there were worse things in sports than the Cubs extending their streak to 100 years of incompetence, I did come up with 10 things that may bother me almost as much.
I figured that I’d share them with you. So, here is a list of my 10 biggest “pet peeves” about sports (in no particular order):
1. ‘Aaron Rodgers is questionable for Sunday’s game with a shoulder’
Anyone who has watched an hour’s worth of SportsCenter or simply seen a televised football game has heard a similar phrase. Announcers and anchors, for some reason, love to exclude the word “injury” from an injury report, making it seem like the player may skip a game due to having a certain part of the body. Since when is having a shoulder a hindrance to someone’s game?
2. Talking in the third person
I don’t know who started this tradition, but the moment an athlete refers to himself as anything other than I or me, I can never take them seriously again. But it could be worse, they could legally change their name to an incorrect Spanish pronunciation of their jersey number. Thank you, Chad Ocho Cinco.
3. Terrel Owens
Speaking of talking in the third person, T.O. represents to me everything that is wrong with sports. He is the epitome of the “me-first” generation of wide receivers that are currently playing in the NFL. Need proof? Last week in a loss to the Washington Redskins, Owens was thrown to 17 times, which he only caught seven of, and rushed the ball twice. After the game he told the press that he needed to get the ball more if they wanted to win. The Cowboys only ran 57 plays in the game, which means they attempted to give him the ball on a third of their plays. I think that’s enough said.
4. Notre Dame
How could anyone dislike the “golden domers?” you might ask. Well first off, because they call themselves the “golden domers,” because their snobby ways still have them sprinkling gold flakes into the paint for their helmets. Because as an independent team, they have nothing to play for after their first loss of the season. Because they gave Charlie Weis a contract extension when he had a similar record that got Tyrone Willingham fired. I could go on, but what’s the point?
5. Joe Buck
If he is ever announcing a game that I want to watch, I either turn the channel or hit the mute button. I just can’t take his monotone and pompous voice for more than 30 seconds. Best example: In last year’s Super Bowl, Buck called the miraculous David Tyree catch like it was a second-quarter play in a Pop Warner game. The sound of his voice just makes me cringe.
I know what you’re thinking: What do mopeds have to do with sports? Well, in August, Golden State Warriors point guard Monta Ellis injured his ankle in a low-speed moped accident. So I just wanted to take the opportunity to mention that I don’t think I have ever seen a moped without instantly picturing Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels turning the corner in Aspen. It makes me laugh every time.
7. ‘Red Sox Nation’
It is probably my least favorite term right now in pop sports. How do people take pride in calling themselves by a phrase that the PR department made up to sell tickets. Sure there are Sox fans everywhere, but there are just as many Yankee and Cubs fans. Tangent: Why are the Yankees the “evil empire” when Boston has used virtually the same bully method of buying up free agents from mid-market teams and using them to win championships? I just don’t see the difference.
8. ‘Big Ben’ Rothlisberger
Actually, I have absolutely nothing against him. I enjoy watching him play. My problem is with the pointless nick names that athletes get. Really, he is big and his name is Ben? Wow! Let’s call him Big Ben from now on, every single time he is on the field.
9. The NBA regular season
Honestly, what’s the point of it? Watching a bunch of freakishly athletic guys barely finding the energy to jog ” let alone play defense ” for 48 whole minutes is not worth the $100 tickets. And it’s funny to me how Kevin Garnett is described as such an “intense competitor” merely because he gives 100 percent every night. I love KG, but isn’t that what they’re paid millions of dollars to do.
Though I’m increasingly believing in the “Curse of the Billy Goat” from 1945, I’m still not completely sold on any of it. The Curse of the Bambino? Give me a break. The Edmonton Oilers traded away Wayne Gretzky, the greatest team sport athlete of all time, and there’s never been a “Curse of the Gretz.” And, if curses aren’t real, then the Cubs still have a chance to win someday, right?
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