The Breakdown: A blessing for this day of thanks
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Summit County, Colorado
The table’s set, the turkey’s carved, and the only thing left to do before we eat is say a little blessing. You know, get in full-on Tim Tebow mode and say what we’re grateful for this year.
(Note: This isn’t really a religious thing here. It’s a sports column, so if you wanted to direct your thanks to hockey god Wayne Gretzky, the patron saint of greatness, then be my guest.)
Dear Lord (or Great One), there’s so much in the sports world that we should thank you for.
(Note No. 2: If you did choose to say this to Gretzky, you might not want to bring up the fact that his utter dominance of hockey led to the introduction of the two-line pass rule and the left-wing lock, which both helped to cripple hockey and send the sport into a deep, downward spiral toward the depths of being shown on Versus. Just a thought.)
First, I’d like to say I’m grateful for the NFL Network, which, despite having serious initial issues with cable companies, has allowed us to have three games on this day of thanks, rather than the two we grew so accustomed to. Without the NFL Network, we would be stuck with only the annual Lions and Cowboy games and the teams picked to beat them. This year, the NFL Network has brought the Bengals visiting the Jets into our homes. Wait … how’s that better?
(Note No. 3: We also wouldn’t get the valuable insight that Hall of Famer Deion Sanders provides at halftime without the NFLN. You know, like when three weeks ago he said he was the third greatest player to ever step on an NFL field.)
(Note No. 4: I should probably stop having these notes, since they’ve taken up roughly 60 percent of this column, er, blessing so far. That’s the last one.)
Next, I’d like to thank Kyle Orton’s razor for wiping clean what was a perpetually grizzled and unkempt neck. Not that I’m one to talk here, but it seemed like all this former Boilermaker (who used to get in trouble for having a few too many boilermakers) needed was a clean, fresh start. And it started with his face. Now, Ol’ Neckbeard has gone away, along with the lazy interceptions, the knock-kneed scrambles and the utter incompetence that only comes from a quarterback who started his career in Chicago. He’s arguably the Broncos best player right now. Not that that says a whole lot, but at the very least, it means the team will likely wait until one of the final games to replace him with Tebow.
Thirdly, I feel a debt of gratitude needs to be extended to Tom Brady for growing his hair the way he did. Really, if it weren’t for those flowing locks, there might not be any possible way for fans to hate on him. Between his play on the field and his amazingly fortunate life off it, the guy seems just about as untouchable (in terms of pointless jokes) as any athlete I could ever think of. But, we have the hair, so, um, at least he gave us that.
(Note No. 5: I know I said no more notes, but I had to point out that it was strange that I commented on the personal hygiene of two quarterbacks in this column. They seem odd things to be grateful for, but, alas, I just can’t help it.)
Finally, here’s a list of a few others that have supplied me with infinite joy (or lazy pot shots in my columns) over the past year: Joe Paterno’s high-waters, Cam Newton’s paychecks, LeBron James’ nickname, the WNBA, Oregon’s offense in football, hockey’s Winter Classic, Jim Tressel’s tie, Denard “Shoelace” Robinson still not tying his shoes, Al Davis, Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco playing together on a 2-8 team (entering today), the Bears leading the NFC North, Tim Lincecum saying smoke will fill the air after winning the World Series and Sidney Crosby.
So, thank you Lord (or Great One) for all these blessing in life. Amen.
Now, let’s dig in.
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