The Breakdown: Desperado and other strange tales
summit daily news
Summit County, Colorado
The Cleveland Cavaliers’ Delonte West was arrested Thursday night. Sure, that might not seem to strange at first – after all, we hear about athletes getting arrested all the time.
But not quite like this.
West was speeding on his motorcycle on a Maryland highway when he cut off a police car. Obviously, the cop flashed on the lights and pulled him over for speeding. Routine stop, right? Well, that is until the cop found three loaded guns on West: two hand guns shoved in his pockets, then a shotgun inside a guitar case strapped to his back.
That’s right, he had a loaded shotgun in a guitar case on his back. I repeat, he had a loaded shotgun in a guitar case on his back.
(Note: If it seems like I’m being redundant with any of this, well, I am. I just think if I keep writing it over and over, I might actually somehow believe that this is real.)
Now, no one, at least publicly, is saying what West was planning on doing or where he was going.
I can only think of three possible scenarios that don’t involve West either being certifiably crazy or a genuine criminal. The first is that he could have been going to a shooting range. But at 10 p.m. at night, I’d doubt there are too many firing stations open. Or maybe, he heroically unarmed three gunman at a bank heist right before this traffic stop and was bringing the dangerous weapons to a police station. Even more doubtful, but you never know. Or finally, he could have been reenacting a scene from the movie Desperado. (You know, the flick in which Antonio Banderas carries around a guitar case full of guns.) It was a cool movie, and even had Salma Hayek in it, but I’d doubt his loaded night riding had anything to do with a 1990s action movie.
Other than that, I’m really scared to know why he would have these weapons, loaded and on his person, while speeding a motorcycle across a highway.
I’m incredibly weirded out but this, so I’m just going to change the subject.
Here’s three other strange stories this week:
1. Boxer Floyd Mayweather saying he’d be the most popular athlete in America if he wasn’t black. That’s what he said. Somehow, he forgot about athletes like Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, among a lot of others. Maybe he also forgot that the majority of sports fans couldn’t care less about boxing right now, let alone matches between people that are the same size as my grandmother. Or maybe he forgot that people tend to not like egotistical, me-first athletes, who only talk in the third person and buy two of ever car they own because, and I quote from an episode of MTV’s Cribs, “I can.”
2. Jake Delhomme self-imploding – again. There are two things about this story that have me scratching my head. The first is that he’s had 11 turnovers in the last 22 possessions for the Carolina Panthers. I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard of a stretch like that in any sport at any time. Bizarre. The second thing is that people try to connect the two starts when they were nine months apart. Did they really have anything to do with each other? Was it a confidence thing stemming from that awful playoff loss? Maybe, but they were still nine months apart. I don’t remember anything about what I was doing nine months ago.
3. Delonte West had a loaded shotgun in a guitar case on his back – along with two pocketed handguns – while speeding his motorcycle on a highway.
OK, so I can’t let this go. I think I’m just going to go home, watch Desperado and try to put this all behind me.
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