The Breakdown: My brain hurts |

The Breakdown: My brain hurts

Sports editor Bryce Evans

So, let’s say you had Morehead State upsetting Louisville in your bracket’s second round (the round that used to be the first round until the four play-in games were changed to be part of the tournament, thus taking the “first round” moniker away from the now “second round”). This – the win, not the identifying of rounds – means you were in a small minority of bracketeers (a term I just made up) to pick a colossal upset of an over-ranked team with a dirty coach (no, not Ohio State football; this is basketball) and gained a nifty two points.

But at the same time you gained points, anyone who picked the Cardinals to go far was left looking at their brackets in horror. If, say someone picked Louisville to go to the Final Four, then they’d effectively lose about 50 points in your office pool, depending on how points are added, which is a whole ‘nother debate in and of itself. So, at that point, even if they picked the rest of the first and second rounds – again, what used to be the “play-in” and “first” rounds – relatively well, they’d still be in a whole bunch of trouble.

Although, if, say, a team like Kansas loses before the tourney’s cut to 16 teams, everyone … wait, what am I talking about?

Somehow, over the past three days since the NCAA basketball tourney started, my brain’s gone from thinking like Vince Lombardi while explaining how proper blocking technique leads to touchdowns (“A seal here and a seal here makes an alley here”) to Les Miles standing on the LSU sideline eating grass and forgetting that the clock running out before you snap the ball on offense is a bad thing.

My head hurts – and I blame it all on the sole fact I put $10 and (what I thought was ) a cleverly picked tournament bracket into my office pool.

For the last three days, I’ve felt like Russell Crowe’s character in “A Beautiful Mind,” standing in a dark corner of a room, adding up points, coming up with theories, upsets and all possible scenarios, before realizing that all of it’s in my head and none of it makes any sense.

Instead of trying to figure out what’s going to happen or how each little game, score, win and loss effects my $10 investment (which is essentially two foot-long subs at Subway if, you know, we didn’t live in Summit County, where they cost six bucks), I’ve decided to just let it all go, let the games take care of themselves and, theoretically, let the points, my points, start piling up.

Again, that’s the hope – and, in order to take my mind off my bracket, here’s a few stories that make even less sense than the NCAA tournament.

Leave it all on the … paper?

On Saturday, the finale of the alpine skiing World Cup Finals was canceled because of weather and poor conditions. While everyone in Mississippi just said, “The ‘what’ got canceled?” everyone above 9,000 feet elevation knows that meant American Lindsey Vonn was denied a chance to win the overall World Cup title for the fourth straight year. She trailed rival Maria Riesch by just three points heading into the what should’ve been the season finale. The title went to the German, and it amazes me that in the series’ most important regular events – the World Cup Finals – there are no make-up races. That would be like having the final round of The Masters canceled because of rain and the third-round leader getting the green jacket. As I just heard Charles Barkley on TV say, “That’s turr-able.”

Where’s the beef?

A man wielding a steak knife forced his way through security at the Clippers-Cavaliers game on Saturday and held about 25 officers at bay in the middle of the court – until a cop knocked him out with a bean-bag gun. No one knows exactly what the guy was trying to do. My guess is he was hoping to save everyone in the arena from having to watch the Cavs and Clipps play.

I actually have an Uncle Tom.

No, really, I do; he’s my dad’s older brother. Now, whether or not Duke’s basketball team has them or specifically recruits them was debated all week (not in actual debates, but in former-players-wearing-suits-with-incredibly-big-knots-in-their-ties debates), after former University of Michigan point guard Jalen Roses made that comment in the documentary “The Fab Five.” Those barbs, which were in reference to how he felt as a kid, don’t hold any truth, but it’ll make it interesting for when Michigan and Duke play today in the NCAA tourney’s third (formerly the second) round today.

Crap, we’re right back where we started. My brain’s starting to hurt again.

Sports editor Bryce Evans feels if Olympians get stripped of medals for cheating, then Jim Tressel should be stripped of his sweater vest.

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