The Breakdown: Tastes like crazy
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Summit County, Colorado
There’s an old saying that, in a fight, crazy beats skill every time. That may be true, but what about in coaching?
With every win – or even just every game – LSU head coach Les Miles has done everything he can to live up to his nickname as the “Mad Hatter.” The fake field goal in the waning minutes against Florida, his what-the-eff-is-going-on lack of poise at the end of the Tennessee game, his nonsensical press conference ramblings, and, now, his strange affinity for turf.
In Saturday’s win over Alabama, Miles was caught on camera in a horrible violation of the 5-second rule, pulling grass from the field and eating it. Strange, I know, but it got weirder when he was asked about it. In a matter-of-fact kind of way, Miles said he does it all the time, it’s one of his many habits. Apparently, he says grass is flavored differently in every stadium, and he likes to keep a mental catalogue of how each stadium “tastes.”
Um, I’m guessing it tastes a little like crazy.
Anyway, this guy’s eccentricities are really starting to add up. Some people – LSU fans, mainly – say he’s crazy like a fox. I think he compares more to Stephon Marbury with a video camera.
Either way, he’s starting to set a whole new standard for nuts in sports. So, in his honor, here’s a list of the top “Les-Miles-eating-grass-level-of-crazy” stories from the last week.
Kickin’ it. First, we’ll start with two, as in two NFL position players attempting kicks for their respective teams after their regular place kickers were injured. And the two players couldn’t have been more different: 5-foot-9, 1185-lb. Wes Welker of the Patriots and 6-foot-4, 307-lb. Ndamukong Suh of the Lions. Welker made, Suh missed, but when was the last time something like this happened on the same day? Both kicks – even though Suh’s banged off the upright – have now officially made my all-time favorite moments by a kicker list.
(Note: I enjoy watching kickers about as much as I enjoy getting a root canal. And, to be honest, the only kick that ever made the list before was Doug Flutie’s drop kick in 2006. So, it isn’t all that impressive.)
Unsaddled in Dallas. Nothing defines the unpredictability (yes, that’s a word) of the NFL as much as the Cowboys’ abysmal season. Really, I’m pretty excited about it – you know, if we didn’t have to hear about it every 30 seconds on SportsCenter. Regardless it’s still pretty crazy that they could be 1-7 at the halfway mark.
(Note No. 2: I’m pretty sure that Dallas’ implosion, the Heat’s “Big Three” and Brett Favre make up a combined 90 percent of all topics discussed on ESPN. Really, I’m not sure what they’d do without them. It’d be like seeing Bill Belichek without his hoodie, or Lawrence Taylor without handcuffs, or … well, you get the point.)
Ron Artest. Actually, nothing has happened with Artest to put him on here, but I just thought a list of crazy things in sports is never complete without his name on it.
Fickle Newton. We’ve seen some college stars torn down with allegations after they graduated and wrapped up their stellar careers (see: Bush, Reggie), but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen an athlete get ripped apart with as little playing experience as Auburn’s Cam Newton. First, the Heisman hopeful QB was arrested for stealing laptops while in school at Florida, then a supposed representative allegedly put a price on his recruitment a year ago, and now people are saying he cheated on tests at Florida. That’s a pretty bum wrap for a guy who’s played 14 career games over three seasons in college. He could be the first player to have the Heisman stripped before he even won it.
Now, how would that taste?
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