The Breakdown: What we’ve learned |

The Breakdown: What we’ve learned

Bryce Evans
summit daily news
Sports editor Bryce Evans

Nothing lasts forever – especially fake teeth. This was something I learned this week while munching on a delicious (mostly because it was free) turkey sandwich in Copper Mountain’s media room at the U.S. Halfpipe Grand Prix.

Normally, there would be something very disturbing about a bite of a cold cut coming away a little on the rock-hard side. I mean, it’s that wonderful feeling when your teeth suddenly clamp down on something so hard it sends shivers through your whole body. It’s kind of like the way Denver fans feel when the name Peyton Hillis comes up.

But, in the instant of this teeth-chattering experience, I knew exactly what had happened: My fake tooth was set loose.

My heart sank into my gut along with my swallow of wheat bread and American cheese, and I spit into my hand that little (porcelain?) tooth, its metal wings extended to each side.

(Dental note: In case you’re an enthusiast of dentistry, It’s called a bridge, and it’s attached to the two adjoining teeth rather than to the gums. In my case, it was formally attached to my left front tooth and, well, that other guy two spaces over.)

This whole scene is important for two reasons: 1) I look like a hillbilly with that gap, and 2) I learned something completely new that day. Before that moment, I didn’t know a bridge wasn’t permanent.

(Tangent: Remember when losing teeth was fun as a kid? I used to tuck those puppies under my pillow and come away with some change in the morning. Now, all I’d find is a $1,200 dentist bill. Growing up sucks.)

So, in honor of this revelation, here’s a list of all the many things I learned this week (don’t worry, that was the only one that had to do with teeth):

Tall tees will set you free. In case you didn’t see the first-ever freeski pipe competition at the Grand Prix, let me fill you in on a little secret: Professional freeskiers basically keep stores like Footlocker operating with their purchases of tall tees. There were 98 competitors in the qualifying field and roughly 104 tall tees. Yes, some of the skiers had two of them on at once. It was like hanging out with a college basketball team, you know, if all the players were 5-foot-4 and called each other “bra.”

(Note/apology: I should note, out of fairness to all those in shirts to their knees, that the content of a skier should not be judged on the continuously growing length of their beautifully skeezed-out tees. Freeskiers and snowboarders are actually the most polite group of pro athletes I’ve ever talked to. No joke.)

(Tangent: Even more off track, but on the same line as that last note, I once interviewed Manny Ramirez in the Dodgers’ locker room, and he spoke entirely in Spanish, glared at me, then walked away. I’m still not sure what he said.)

People Care! They really care! At least this is true in the Midwest, where 113,411 people showed up to watch Michigan beat Michigan State 5-0 in hockey outside at the Big House on Saturday. No, that’s not a typo, and yes, that exceeds the NHL’s entire viewership so far this season on Versus.

Snow isn’t good for snow sports. Really, I learned this a while ago, but it came up again this week at the Grand Prix, when Copper got dumped on for three straight days. The fresh stuff slows down the riders and skiers and makes it harder to perform. I get it, but it’s still strange.

Wendy’s “natural-cut fries” taste exactly like its regular fries, except every third one has a little bit of potato skin on it. This has nothing at all to do with sports; it was just so disappointing to find out.

Guilty even when proven innocent. The Football Writers Association of America decided not to put Auburn’s Cam Newton on its annual All-America team. With the sheer ridiculousness of Newton’s numbers (and team success), it’s obvious this decision was made due to his off-the-field, um, intangibles. It’s strange, considering the NCAA pronounced him “eligible” earlier this month. Although, Newton did come away with the Heisman Trophy Saturday night. So, it’s not all bad – that is, unless the Stiff Arm’s eventually stripped in five years (Reggie Bush, anyone?).

But, hey, we already knew that nothing lasts forever.

Bryce has a dental appointment set for Monday. Follow Bryce on Twitter at

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