Rounding up the real meaning of bumper stickers
You know how you read something once and you have to read it again, because you’re not sure you saw what you think you saw? (Kind of like that last sentence?)Particularly annoying are those custom license plates you can’t for the life of you figure out.I saw one the other day that read: K26 4ME.Uh … OK. K26. Now what the heck is that supposed to mean?!But bumpers stickers are by far much too fun.I know. My car sports many such pieces of vinyl, each spouting my opinions on controversial issues such as religion, the environment and why my coffee is better than yours: Born Again Pagan, the Nature Conservancy, Bad Coffee Sucks and Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?I saw one recently that read, “Member, Texas A&M Former Student Alliance.” What – they attended? And didn’t graduate?There’s “Yes, this is my truck, and no, I don’t help people move.”But yesterday, driving down the road, I saw a great one: “Scottsdale Cowboy Institute.”Now, we’re all proud of the higher education we’ve attained – even “My Son is an Upper Blue Elementary Kindergarten Graduate!” Smiley Face. Many of us sport stacks of stickers on our car windows announcing to everyone that, if nothing else, we know where our turn signal is and proudly use it on a regular basis.But the Cowboy Institute? I mean, don’t you learn this stuff in the pastures?And the curriculum!Cowboy 101: Saddle up! All you ever needed to know about that piece of leather between your legs and the animal beneath you!Cowboy 102: “Yeee-haw!” and other popular sayings.Cowboy 103: Beginning branding: selecting the brand that fits YOU!Cowboy 104: Finding your horse’s tickle spots (and other ways to avoid getting kicked)Cowboy 105: The Cowboy cha-cha – Your intro to high society!Cowboy 106: Levi’s or Wranglers: the final analysis.Cowboy 107: Belt buckles: How big should you go.Cowboy 108: Ten-gallon hat: A misnomer?Cowboy 109: Smithing: getting that shoe off!Cowboy 110: Smithing II: Getting that shoe on! (Prerequisite: Cowboy 104 and 109)Cowboy 111: Chew: What brand is for you? (And how to make the perfect circle in your back pocket!)Cowboy 112: Shirt fringe and bolo ties: high fashion on the plains.Year IICowboy 201: “Whoa!” “Giddyap!” and other useful terms (Prerequisite: Cowboy 102)Cowboy 202: Snakes, branches, gopher holes and other things to avoid on the trailCowboy 203: Making your best exit: riding into the sunset with styleCowboy 204: The history of roundups, massacres and shoot-outsCowboy 205: Cowboy coffee and other great roadside recipesCowboy 206: Coors Light: A cowboy’s delightCowboy 207: How to pick a bar fight – and winCowboy 208: Songs of the sunsetCowboy 209: Songs of the trailCowboy 210: Songs of the bunkhouseCowboy 211: Songs of the rodeoCowboy 212: Songs of the roundupYear IIICowboy 301: Advanced boot shiningCowboy 302: Advanced plug-spittin’Cowboy 303: Advanced dialects: Get that accent down!Cowboy 304: Rescuing the fair maiden without getting killed by her husband!Cowboy 305: Advanced trail riding – You, too, can do it!Cowboy 306: Roping techniques (including the Whoop-de-doo and the Cowboy’s Little Friend)Cowboy 307: Wrangling the animal activist way!Cowboy 308: No bow legs? Worry no longer!Cowboy 309: Picking out your first cowboy truck!Cowboy 310: Picking out the gun rack!Cowboy 311: Selecting that 30.06 (Prerequisite: A few rounds in Pappy’s backyard)Cowboy 312: Staying on that buckin’ bronc!We couldn’t think of a more educational school to attend – until, that is, we noticed the bumper sticker actually read Scottsdale Culinary Cuisine.Cowboy school … cooking school. It’s all the same to me.Jane Stebbins, whose specialty is herding cats, can be reached at (970) 668-3998, ext 228, unless she’s out on the trail rounding up the dogies. Or whatever. All cowboy complaints should be directed to her, and her only. We aren’t sure about that first license plate either, but we bet it’s about something biological.
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