I’m not the kind of guy who’s inclined to toot my own horn. God, if I were only that flexible. But I will say, I know more than most people about ringworms. During my early years, there were a few kids in the hood that regularly had them. I remember my mum warning me to not get too close to Ricky Sullivan on the school bus because she saw the telltale signs of the condition on his neck at church.

My knowledge of ringworms was challenged at a recent social gathering. My bride and I were invited to a fancy dinner party — you know, the kind where you are not required to take off your shoes upon entering the home. Just before dessert, someone brought up the subject. I’m pretty sure that topic was broached by a friend who encountered the condition in novel she was reading.

Though I’m loath to criticize, I will say the ignorance at the table was astounding. Everyone had varying opinions of the cause and condition of the malady, and all of them were wrong. And I, the only “ringworm expert,” was derided in disbelief. Folks actually thought that ringworm was an actual worm, thought it was not catchy and only found in developing countries. When I attempted to disabuse those assertions there was a general doubting of my declarations. 
Finally, fed up with the skeptics, I pulled out a small gadget that contained all the knowledge in the modern world, my cell phone.

Dr. Google pretty much validated everything I said.

All the information on the planet is only a click away. Now, granted, there is plenty of ridiculous misinformation found on the web. If you look hard enough you can find “experts” who will agree with all your misguided assumptions — for instance, Madonna still has a fan page. But if you sort through the quacks, there is reliable info on anything you are curious about. For instance, the woman with the largest feet in the world wears a size-18 shoe, and Caesar salad was invented in Mexico.

I would be hard-pressed to think of any one technological advancement that has so much changed our lives, if you don’t count bidets. My bride and I have long ago jettisoned our landline phones, answering machines, alarm clocks, dictionaries and thesauruses. I use my phone as a compass, calculator, music source and camera. I do all my banking on my phone. My password at the Bank of Bogota is “Magicallover123” if anyone wants to make a deposit into my account. Cell phones have certainly changed our lives, both changed and damaged.

“We are all just prisoners here of our own device.”

I was recently at a multigenerational, celebration of life family gathering. I was in the process of telling a fascinating story about myself when I looked into the crowd and every last one of those under 30 had their heads down looking at their cell phones. I was not angry — only sad — because they were missing out on some scintillating stuff about me, and I hadn’t even gotten into my knowledge of ringworms.

There is no denying that wireless devices have reduced the instances of many folk’s person to person interactions. It’s bad enough for an old dude like me who ignores my mate while I binge-watch those reels featuring cops tasing folks who try to run after shoplifting. But what’s worse, we have a generation of young people who had to isolate during Covid, where their only connection to the outside world was online.  And now, post-pandemic, many are less prepared to engage face-to-face and are more comfortable communicating electronically.

To be clear, I would argue the pros outweigh the cons. Due to GiaGPS, we seldom get lost even when driving in a strange town, texts remind us all our upcoming appointments and my wife has an app on her phone that connects to my pacemaker for when she needs me to pick up the pace. Like or not, technology seldom takes a step backwards. The chances of us all going back to phone booths and the Encyclopedia Brittanica is as likely of occurring as doctors prescribing leeches.

So, the challenge is to treat technology as a tool, not an addiction. So here is a reminder to put down your devices and pick up a book. And for those curious, ringworm has nothing to do with worms, it is a skin infection that’s caused by fungi. It is contagious. If you don’t believe me — Google it.

Jeffrey Bergeron’s column “Biff America” publishes Mondays in the Summit Daily News. Bergeron has worked in TV and radio for more than 30 years, and his column can be read in several newspapers and magazines. He is the author of “Mind, Body, Soul.” Bergeron arrived in Breckenridge when there was plenty of parking and no stoplights. Contact him at biffbreck@yahoo.com.